meditation

That's alot going on Jay, no wonder you feel crazy. I'd feel crazy too. I know about those nightmares, I've been getting them lately too and I figured out for me it's something I'm stressed about that's coming out in dreams. Some of it I'm not able to fix because I'm being held back still but some I guess I've buried it so deep it can't come out in the light of day.

I wish there was a cure for no sleep. Sounds like just too much coming down on you at one time. I'm supposed to be doing EMDR in therapy, it helps some with past stressors ptsd type stuff. It takes a couple of sessions. I just want to hug you for the pain you're having to deal with at such a young age. Things will get better I don't know when but I do they they don't stay this way for the rest of time... I am glad you're going to be having dinner with Kirby. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving. And I hope the car gods shine on you and fix your car.

JustAYak

I'm just really overwhelmed... I wish I could describe how I truly feel but I can't really put it into words

meditation

I know when I feel I'm unable to think and my thoughts are running everywhere I have to get physically active to try to control it. Some people like meetings but I need to channel it into a form that isn't eating me alive.. then I can hit a meeting. I know for you at this time of night it's hard to be physical and it's hard to get out when there's no transportation.

I hate that feeling Jay, does music help soothe you? Can you write out your feelings and thoughts on paper, and keep in mind I'm a fixer... you don't have to do any of this stuff.... I just would love to ease your pain. :ghug3
YouTube - Declan Flynn | Ease My Pain

JustAYak

I've been writing and journaling everyday cause that's what my therapist told me to do. It's just not doing anything really. I am listening to music though, that usually does help sorta calm me down sometimes..

Impurrfect

(((Jay))) - I'm so sorry everything feels like it's coming down on you. I know the not sleeping thing does a really bad number on me. Have you told your therapist "look, I'm in a bad place and I need help NOW!" Not that you haven't but what about the place you checked yourself into, before?

You're such a good guy, but you've had some horrific things happen to you that would make me park myself into an ER until they got me help, I think....money or no money.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better, I wish I had the money to get your car fixed and I wish, more than anything, I could just wrap you (and Goliath) up in my arms and let you know how very much you're loved and cared about.

I feel pretty helpless, right now, but I am saying a whole lot of prayers and if you want to e-mail me, I'll be up for a while.

Love you!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Dee74

hey (((Jay)))

I'm sorry you feel so down. I wish I had the magic answers - but I don't.
I'm coming off some insomnia myself.

I think Amy's right about you getting in touch with your therapist tho - and remember you have a heck of a lot of support here


D

meditation

Yeah Jay, just know that we care a great deal about you. I don't know what to suggest that would make you feel better. I was feeling bad the other day and amazingly my cat Sqeeks crawled in my lap and I felt so much better after I patted her, I could actually feel my blood pressure lower and my breathing got better. That cat was sent by something special to be my cat to help me at that time. She's like a furry living plushy.

anyway, much love to you.

JustAYak

Thanks Dee.

And that's probably cause it's been proven that pets reduce stress... I'm sitting on the floor with Goliath and my laptop right now. He's snoring. Sleepy puppy.

meditation

Pets do reduce stress, my daughter had a bad crying jag a week ago and that poor cat got snotted on and amazingly just laid down and let her use him for a tissue. poor kitty.

Hug that dog, slime him up good, let out that pain all over him, I know he wants you to feel better. Doggy tissues are healing.

Impurrfect

((Jay)) - you KNOW how much Goliath loves you. Just imagine him as a "superdog" and he's not only his wonderful self, but he's representing all of US, who love you, too.

((Med)) - Squeaky sounds a lot like Elvis...he's one furry snuggle-kitty. Just had to get him back inside (he ran out the door when I went to see if Mots and Patches wanted in) and is all curled up, in a ball, on my lap.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Ananda

god dmit...my post got deleted

sht...

ok basically but not as well said...

goliath is our arms and bodies to love you with jason...think of him that way. don't friggin give up before the mirical happens.

It takes **** (sorry) but....it will feel sudden...you will suddenly realize that something has changed.

The nutritien and sleep thing is key....you need sleep and energy to deal so work on that ... but i know you can only do what you can (hug)

I am spending thanksgiving here at home with my biological son and my mom...but you will be here in my heart and you darn well better talk to me that day :P

I know you are doing what you can to get help. maybe come to chat some nites with me...i would do that...there are kids in there periodically that i think you could help and as crazy as it sounds when we help others...it helps us. Then again..take care of you!

I love you hon...with all of us you can make it through to something that feels more ok...you have that special something that can pull you through the hard times....I'm sorry you had to have that extra thing to make it, but you have it...

lean into it and you will be ok

love ya

nandsy

Impurrfect

Thanks ((Nands))! You know we're always glad to see ya here at the henhouse!

Jay, I hope you've talked to Sue and can feel the love we're all sending. Still sending a boatload of prayers. I know you aren't so sure about the "God thing" and if I were in your shoes, and raised the way you were, I might have the same doubts. However, I believe and praying is what I CAN do.

I'm getting ready for work, but I'll be back to check in later. I got NO sleep, had damned Access queries running through my brain all night? Sheez! Now get to go work with the grumpy boss.

I'd rather stay here

Love, hugs and prayers,

Amy

Ananda

lol imperfect..you sound like me....having computer issues with my new on-line class and dang those issues just run and run through your head.

I came up with a really wacky way to get all my assingments for the next week posted by tonight and my resumes for jobs in....then i have a week to try and resolve the dmn computer issues....

The irony is i'm looking at IT as my field of study....so I'm not so good at it, but it clearly is an area with a great potential for earning lol

On a personal note...i'm issolating too much and I hate men...yet i love a few of them LOL

I'm pretty sure it will get better

meditation

Thank you Anada for your loving care here. I adore you!
and I love your avatar. I hope that's a porcupine.

Jay, if you happen to be on.... I hope you got some rest, I hope you feel better, hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs.


I was out raking the yard, swearing at the trees, esp that hateful oak and finally took a break with sweat running in my eyes and feeling hot, miserable and here's the miracle. Total change of attitude in 5 seconds. The birds started flocking to the feeders thinking I was gone from the yard, I was hidden behind a holly bush. Beautiful cardinals, and their wives, house finches, a woodpecker, a couple of titmice. The sun was shining, the temp wasn't cold a nice 60, the leaves were gently wafting down from the trees, and the whole backyard was colorful in yellows, oranges, reds, browns, greens, and I felt such loving peace. Just sweet happy just to be out there in the glory of it all....... so I thanked god and I thanked nature for the blessing to just sit still........ and take it in.. I don't sit and listen to nature or God, and when I did it was glorious.
It was a privilege to then be out there not in some concrete building but to have the time to be there, to recharge, to connect.

Anti-d update:
I'm still feeling fuzzy, got on some weird yawning binge, could not stop and I'm so sleepy on this med. But trucking along with it. Not as nauseous.

Hugs to all hens.

40Thieves

Hi Ananda! Great words of support there.

Jay, I'm so sorry you are feeling the way you are. The holiday season is upon us again. People always talk about the first holidays being hard after the loss of a loved ones, but they forget to mention that the 2nd and 3rd (and so on) aren't so great either. Perhaps that is part of what is going on for you? I hope you are able to move through all those damned emotions and come out on the other side. Actually, I have confidence that you can, I just wish you didn't have to.

Amy, when I was working a lot with computers (and struggling) I would have dreams about it, and sometimes I would wake up with the solution. How cool is that? So, I will wish for you enlightening dreams. Hope work wasn't too horrible.

I just got paid and went and spent way too much money on myself. Haven't even bought a Christmas gift yet. What am I thinking?!?!?

Hugs to all~40

Dee74

good to see you here (((Nands)))

I hope everyone else is doing ok today

D

meditation

Not so good Dee, I am sick as a dog. I am stopping this nasty drug. I just got done calling my doc and she's leaving it up to me to go to the ER, trying to ride this out but having horrible sx tonight.

Dee74

I'm really sorry J - I never had much luck with anti-d's either
Do go get help if you think you need it, ok?

D

JustAYak

((Med)) - Hope you feel better soon.

Impurrfect

I just got home from work, and will just ask for lots of special thoughts, hugs, prayers, etc. for ((Jay)) and ((Med)). I've "talked" to both of them, though way after they pm/e-mailed me and ((Jay)) is still struggling and ((Med)) was heading to the ER.

((40)) - I actually did have some pretty good ideas of how to use Access, after going over and over it in my head. In my one hour of sleep, I had a dream that I went to work and everything was broken. Not too far off the mark, TBH, though a mechanic was there working on our various broken things.

First half of the shift was horrible, and I came really close to walking out. D finally snapped at me one time, told me I was arguing with her, and I said "no, I'm not. I'm just tired of getting snapped at". She continued and I said "do you realize I've had to apologize to TWO customers for YOUR yelling at everyone?!" She said she didn't give a ****, and I said "yeah, that's obvious".

Luckily, I got to take a break and when I got back she had chilled a lot...no more yelling, but then it wasn't nearly as busy as it had been. Even hot mess snapped at me, told me I was arguing (apparently, responding to an attack is arguing?). Whatever, I told her I wasn't arguing, it was a misunderstanding and I apologized and tried to stay as far away as possible, but was stuck on the front counter.

One of the kids, who no longer works there (the one who was rude to Brit, that day), came in, drunk as a skunk. She's 17. Thank God there were no customers in, at the time, because she was WAY out there. The guy with her had to get her OFF the counter....sigh.

I'm staying away from the schoolwork, tonight, and going to try to get some sleep. One more day, then a couple days off.

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy