fishkiller

I'm glad you mentioned me in your post.
It helped me today.

DriGuy

Whatever you decide you need will be up to you. I usually think of SR or AA as where people go early in recovery to get their feet on the ground, and later drift away unless they just like to be there. Some probably need to be there. Some never need these resources. My closest alcoholic friend where I live now has about the same amount of time as I do. He never went to a meeting, and one day just quit. How much internal processing and growth he had to do, I really don't know. His bottom was lower than mine by a lot. We all have our own ways.

I did say at one time if I ever got to seriously thinking about drinking again, I would go to an AA meeting that night. But that kind of thinking never returned. Once I got my feet on the ground (a year or two), I never struggled with sobriety again.

I'm here because I just enjoy it. I like meeting people and talking about something important. I like helping others, although I don't feel like it's an obligation. I just like seeing people make this big change in their lives. I am often impressed and experience a vicarious success when it happens.

I think you will. It didn't happen overnight for me. It took a few years. But before that happened, it wasn't really a struggle. I was so delighted with being free that I thought about it all the time and centered my life around sobriety. Of course, I can't really say I don't think about it much anymore. That should be obvious since here I am in a forum talking about it every day. But my life centers around other things like hiking, my dog, and my friends.

DriGuy

I may not mention you much, but I pay close attention to everything you post. I hope you are feeling better.

RoseColored

fishkiller, I tried to quote you but I didn't do it right... but this "I do have some knowledge, all of it passed down to me by folks here on SR like dri who really do have it figured out, about recovery and have had folks tell me I've helped them get and stay clean but once I stopped applying that knowledge to my daily life things went downhill fast"

Well, you have already helped me bunches. I'm sorry you are struggling this week, but it sounds like you are using all of your tools to keep moving in the right direction. This is all a good reminder that sobriety doesn't make life perfect, but I'm OK with that. I'll keep up the good fight.

Thank you for your note about my daughter. It was hell at the height of things. I was almost certain she was going to die. This is awful to admit, but her problem was so much worse than mine, so much more visible, that it allowed me to keep telling myself I had my own issues under control. She is doing fantastic now! I couldn't be more proud.

Oglsby

In 2010, I went from January 5th until Thanksgiving without drinking. I even did not drink during a major family death. At Thanksgiving, though, I thought I would have some wine. I woke up the next day with a hangover and it would be two more years before I even attempted again. I had to face the cold, hard fact that I was able to NOT drink but I was not able to MODERATE drinking. And yet, still, it took me until 2020 to finally stop completely. I think the lie of moderation is, as Dri said, one of the leading causes of relapses and, in many cases, possible even death (certainly health problems). I wish I had quit years earlier but I didn't and I don't beat myself up for it. It is extremely difficult but the rewards are beyond worth it.

KneePads

This reminds me of something Dri wrote once that really resonated with me. He said “Relapse is not a natural part of recovery” (or words to that effect) and up until he said that, I had read/watched plenty of material that had said the opposite! What I hadn’t realised is that it was that exact way of thinking that always kept the ‘drinking door’ slightly open. I hadn’t realised it. I’d just assumed relapse was a part and parcel of recovery and I was giving myself a hard time if I didn’t accept that fact. NO NO NOOOO 😂
Ogls - the bit where you describe it being another two years before attempting sobriety again - omg I get that. I sooo get that. If I drank again now (or ever), I really don’t know how long it would be before I made a successful re-recovery attempt. In all honesty, I don’t know if I could do it again like this. I’d be dead still trying to stop.
xxx

RoseColored

This is spot on!

And I've been there, done that more than once. Tried to moderate after a period of sobriety... my addiction doesn't want to drink moderately, and after I have that first drink I've given up control to it. It takes so much to get through the first week of total sobriety for me, I just can't do that again. I don't want to. I just can't drink.

RoseColored

Love this too! Relapse at this point would put me on a terrible downward spiral. I stopped just before total disaster was bound to strike. Things were progressing. If I take even one more drink, I'll be right back in it, and I don't know if I have it in me to quit again. I don't want to find out.

KneePads

This is exactly where I’m at, RoseC. I keep that thought very close at all times. ❤️

DriGuy

I can't say for sure I could quit again. I think I could, but I don't want to go through that first week again. When faced with that prospect of a redo, I have two choices: 1)suck it up and do it again 2)Don't go through it again and just stay drunk, hungover, and a pitiful sight for as long as I want.

The best choice by far is the one I can make with ease right now today; Don't take that drink. That's the one choice with an upside of abundance. If you think, "Yeah but, I'm missing out on another part of life that others enjoy," or if you're just not sure you can stick with it, then you still have unfinished business in recovery.

Edit: Actually, I haven't contemplated such scenarios for years. I just don't drink, and it's not like I'm the only person who doesn't. There are lots of very good people who don't drink, and I'm hardly alone.

Oglsby

I'm similar to Dri, I think about my sobriety a lot, but only in positive ways, especially how much better my life is now that I am free, but I don't think about worrying about drinking again, though I am constantly still subconsciously vigilant.