Evoo

Up until I quit drinking, business trips were a huge issue for me. I'd slog through them... and being alone in hotels often meant drinking to oblivion. I'd order drinks to the room, pull my hungover self to work meetings and a liquid lunch / happy hour as quickly as possible, continue drinking at the hotel bar chatting up other drinkers, grab drinks at the airport (even early in the morning), drink on the plane, drink drink drink. Sometimes I'd miss an entire day of the conference sick from the night before... even worse if I'd stop by a liquor store at the airport and grab something for the hotel. Sometimes the withdrawals would be so bad coming home I'd drink all the way to the final destination... then stock up on mints and hope the person picking me up didn't smell the booze.

It's painful to think of.

I used to think that conferences in general were a "sh*t show," but the last several I've been to I've been sober, productive, clear-headed -- I've made connections and attended the most interesting/challenging working sessions, I've taken notes and even found myself presenting to rooms with hundreds of people as a panelist... the idea of doing that before this would've been a no-go. I find myself exploring the local food scene, hit the hotel gym. It's refreshing to find that traveling can be a relaxing, productive time. If I can make it in a drive (even 10 hours), I prefer to do that rather than hassle with airports.

Did anyone else find traveling and being alone in hotels a big challenge? I reflect on this as I come up on convention season and post as a reminder to myself what I've gained, and what I stand to lose. Thanks, crew.

FreeOwl

this has been one of my greatest challenges in that my professional life is lived on the road amid every day drinking business culture.

that said, I spent 6 sober years in that world no problem including 2.5 week annual junkets in Vegas.

ive had a tough time keeping to my earlier recovery resolve since Covid but nearing 30 days now of road warring and first class traveling with fall the free booze I could ever hope to drink….

I’ve gone to meetings on the road to help reset and have re-doubled my commitment to sobriety.

turns out it’s not the triggers or the road or the free booze or the surroundings - it’s my choices and my actions.

Anna

Evoo, I found being alone anytime was a trigger to drink. I didn't drink in front of others, but always did my drinking at home, alone. So, yes the first few times I was home alone and sober were shaky, but I found so many things to do that I began to look forward to it. I am really glad to hear you're doing well and being so productive at work in your recovery.

matilda123

Oh boy, yes! Can relate to everything you’re saying here! I used to have to travel a lot for work. The exhaustion of that, coupled with a more introverted nature, really fueled my drinking. I also see it as part of my pattern to drive myself to exhaustion and then collapse with a drink (really several) to theoretically relax. I have come to realize that no, drinking isn’t me time or self care.

now I don’t have to travel as much, but am taking my first international trip in August. I’ll be on high alert for the triggers.

Delilah1

I used to look forward to wine when traveling for work or fun. I would bring alcohol with me, and sadly sometimes planned our itinerary around my drinking. I have been sober for 8 and a half years, and each trip during that time has been so much more meaningful and enjoyable.

FreeOwl

Strategies I've used to help with this issue:

1 - looking up local meetings ahead of time. Planning to get to an EARLY am meeting before the day starts, to set my head in recovery.

2 - Getting up early each day, logging onto Soberrecovery, reminding myself of the choice of sobriety and why

3 - Having a good sense of the agenda for each day and for the week, and pre-loading 'excuses' (I have a proposal to finish, I need to help my kids with homework on Zoom, etc) so I can bail out on the exuberant and booze-fueled plans of clients and co-workers.

4 - Ensuing that if there's a client or team dinner / happy hour / etc. that I'm unable to avoid, I go into it with a very specific idea of what I'll drink to avoid drinking alcohol

5 - Arriving early to any such venue, scoping the drinks menu for 'zero-proof' cocktails and ordering one before anyone arrives.... then nursing that same cocktail alongside my water for the entire evening to avert anyone asking me if I need a drink "no thanks, (raise mocktail) I'm good!"

6 - Arranging with my leadership not to even attend the junket at all (more and more in life I've come to realize that every single conference / event / booze-fueled business fest) is a complete waste of time and has never once led to actual business. By reaching out to my leadership with a proactive alternate "hey, I really think my effort and our travel dollars are better spent right now with me focusing on (insert key accounts, sales initiative, offering development, troubled project, etc. here) instead of going to the (insert whatever nonsense in Vegas or Phoenix or Austin or wherever else they want to send you to live out of a hotel for a week and get jack-nothing done). How about we offer this opportunity to (Steve, or Hilda, or Vishnu or some young gun who might actually enjoy the dumb junket) and I work on these more strategic outcomes?

7 - The Irish Goodbye - this one works really well BEFORE the events occur. If I'm really having concern, while everyone is still in the convention hall planning the happy hour drinks, the dinner drinks, the after dinner drinks, the strip clubs.... I just quietly BAIL TF OUT. It's a whole lot easier to respond to "where ARE you??" texts from the safety of my hotel room with "Very sorry to miss you guys - I had an urgent matter come up on the homefront. Need to manage that. Have fun!" than it is to try and wriggle my way out of being arm-twisted into doing shots by my co-workers and my addictive voice.

jagrnaut

These are all super helpful Freeowl, thanks! I find myself making dumb excuses as well, which honestly, I think I am going to stop doing. I am going to be blunt and honest and say that I do not drink. They can all think what they want, and if I am being honest can F off if they have an issue. I totally get it though as you get the weird questions, or what happened, or can't handle your alcohol? I always quip back that the problem was is that I handled my alcohol too well and would be in an early grave if I continued. It shows a lot about society and their desire to hold onto their liquor. Unfortunately, most people who do not believe they have an issue do, and they don't want a sober person to bring any of that to light for themselves.

As everyone keeps saying with a ton of validity is that our relapses occur long before the first drink. These are helpful tools to help keep on the only true path. Thanks again Freeowl!

FreeOwl

The truth is that most of these strategies are defenses against MYSELF more than anyone. When I first began a sober journey and made my first 2.5 week journey to Vegas for the annual sh*tshow..... I was anxious as all get out. I anticipated all kinds of pressure. The only pressure was from me.

Ultimately - the pressure stems from my anxiety, my poor self esteem, my desire to 'fit in' and the fallback that the only place and way I found to 'fit in' was through drinking and finding common 'bond' with others through booze.

I remember being at one of my first-ever client and team dinners at a super high end steak joint on the Vegas strip. There were about 24 people at this dinner. Private room - INSIDE a vast wine cellar. Surrounded by wine and the ambiance of the fancy expensive place I had this panic moment.... what would I DO??? Then I looked around the table and realized that roughly a third of the folks seated there (I'd arrived a bit late and initial drink orders were already in front of people) had waters, iced teas, sodas.

It was like seeing the world anew. Here was a senior executive drinking ginger ale. There were two Sikhs - who simply don't drink because of their spiritual beliefs. Here was a guy who was one of our most respected technical leaders - ice water. Over there was a gal I KNEW used to be a partier - diet coke. Suddenly my illusion of "EVERYBODY DRINKS" was smashed with direct evidence.

I also used another strategy that first fateful challenge: I went into it with a list - about two pages long - of artists, musicians, business leaders, writers, poets - all who I looked up to and all who were sober.

What I've discovered is that even NOW... even with the benefit of so many experiences that have been life changing, transformational and positive in sobriety, I can fall victim to the young child from a turbulent early life path carrying trauma and fear and I can default to messages I'm not even aware of; "you won't be cool, you won't be successful, you're broken, you're a loser, they won't like you, you won't be 'one of the team if you don't drink".

In fact, the ONLY times anyone ever said anything at all to me in the many events on the road to follow where I wasn't drinking, it was always the same. Someone would sidle up beside me in a discreet moment of the evening and say something like "I noticed you're not drinking.... I sure wish I could do that....".

So, the tools are used to fight the internal battle. It's literally never about the other people, places or things. It's about my own mind's distortions. It's about arming my Spirit to prevail over my brain and my ego when they're trying to convince me to retreat into a lesser version of myself.