SnoozyQ

AJ . Wow 6am to 8 pm working life . How do you have time for hobbies etc .
Especially as it’s a high pressured job. You don’t get much time to wind down down.
Is there any way to reduce your hours as that’s virtually living at your job. I feel for you .

plus the fact you are drinking is actually exacerbating your stress levels . You would be waking with anxiety and then having to function at work on top of that.

I honestly don’t know how I got through my working life in those last few years . The amount of times I was so hungover . What a punishment that was .

I really hope you can take some of the terrific advice here as I would hate for you to keep continuing in this no life struggle

sending you love

xxx

RAL

Same here peke. All my drinking was at home. Too bothered about embarrassing myself

FiveTries

I'm sorry to hear you drank and hope you feel better soon.

I remember well that ashamed, embarrassed, disappointed feeling. Self-doubt and hatred and on and on. I hope I never forget those days, months, and years that I lived like that. Just thinking about it today brings it all back. It's frightening. Because I know I can feel all that over and over and over again and keep going back to drinking anyway.

One thing is different for me now though. I KNOW 100% that if I picked up a drink at any time in the future, that is how I'm gonna feel. It's never gonna change.

Gymbunny7

I remember the shame and embarrassment very well unlike Peke and Ral I didn't care who saw when I was drunk. Have to deal with that now and move forward alcohol is definitely no one's friend. When you say AJ you kissed a guy just think that could of been a lot worse.

It really sounds like your work life is to much, you don't seem to have any time for you. It's difficult to change jobs etc obviously financially and depending on your career intentions but it does seem like you don't have much time for anything else.

Anna

AJ, your work schedule sounds brutal. I don't know if it's possible, but cutting back on work hours would probably be very helpful to you. And, I know for me, early recovery was a selfish time. I stopped doing things I 'should' do and focused solely on doing what was going to help me in my sobriety. I'm glad you're back and on Day 2. Well done!

RAL

PLease don't feel ashamed - it's a negative, useless emotion with no positive slant at all. Put your energies into going forward and you can succeed

AJ143143

Thank you all. Almost done with day 2 again…. Feeling pretty good considering. Trying to talk myself out of the massive disappointment I have in myself.

Alpine

Don't be dissapointed, you are here and back at it which is HUGE. Be proud of that.

Dee74

Dont beat yourself up too badly AJ.
Its energy better spent on making a plan to try and ensure this is your last relapse.

Like other people have said balance is important, but I know lots of people who have to work long hours to keep food on the table, but they don't drink.

If you can't cut back on hours maybe it's time to think about other more positive stress relief measures?

An hours exercise - or even an hour at an AA or SMART zoom meeting - could really help?

D

AJ143143

You guys are so amazing … thank you. I’m home from work. Relieved to know tomorrow is day 3. I still am holding shame. But I need to let it go.

Anna

Yes, AJ, do let go of the shame. In my experience, the shame leads you back to drinking. Use the shame to propel yourself forward and begin to forgive yourself and to heal.

AJ143143

Thank you everyone again. I’m full … in pjs. Watching shows. Happy to be sober in the moment.

Hevyn

A J - I once had 3 yrs. sober. I was with a new friend one night who didn't know I was an alcoholic. I decided it would be ok to have 'a glass' of wine. That glass led to many glasses, more the next night, and so on. It was years before I found the strength to stop again. My life was in ruins. That's when I found SR.

You didn't do what I did, AJ. You came here to talk about what happened right away. You were upset, & determined to reclaim your sobriety. You learned something & took action before you spun out of control like I did. Be proud of that, not ashamed. You're going to do this. Congrats on your soon-to-be 3 days.

AJ143143

thank you. This means a lot … it was one night and it was enough. I felt like hell the next day. Physically and emotionally

PhoenixJ

Prayers

Cityboy

AJ, you're so much bigger than this. Let me tell you about your valued 'career'. I was exactly where you are now 18 years ago (I'm 59), giving my life away to work and my business. Your industry is going to use you up, spit you out, and move on to the next one. I agree with FishK, don't sound like very good friends.

Find a life with less stress in it. Find cool things to do. Go kayaking or hiking in a park, and stay away from the bar if it's going to drag you down.

Focus on the people in your life who want to see you move forward in a positive way, not make themselves feel better by watching you engage destructive behavior. Religion is obviously not everyone's thing, and that's fine, but I built up the courage to go to a church group meeting several months ago and now I can't imagine not going each week.

Alpine

Checking in to see how you are. Day 3 is awesome!!

AJ143143

Hi all Day 3 is going good so far. Slept decent. Food cravings aren’t as bad as they were before (I just drank the one night) so I was hoping my craving for bad food wouldn’t start from scratch. It didn’t. 🙏. My shame is slowly turning in feeling proud of myself for coming back here quickly. Everything everyone has said has resonated… although I can’t quit my job I will be lowering my hours and if I get fired for it than so be it. I want a life that isn’t just a hamster wheel of work , sleep and gym. I have noticed my drinking pattern is directly related to how busy I am with work. I was using alcohol as a tool to shut down my brain. It’s like I would work so many hours back to back to back and then try to have a 1/2 day off or something and I was so on edge I couldn’t seem to get my brain to shut down enough to focus or dare I say enjoy non working moments. Then I would drink to check out … I talked to another girl in the same industry and she was saying that she feels very similar to me… she had a bad at work last weekend and it followed her into the next 2 days… just stressing. It’s not the first time I’ve heard that either. So it might be time to slowly change. I’m moving into my grandmas in a few weeks so my bills are going to be half of what they are right now. Maybe it’s time I get out of this industry or pivot within it. Today I feel happy though. A slight headache but I have a feeling that it’s weather related. Almost everyone I know is having extreme allergies right now

fishkiller

I'm glad you are getting past the shame.
It makes me happier to see you looking beyond your current situation to plan out a more peaceful, comfortable life.
I had a stressful job and ran a business on the weekends for 30 years.
As someone who worked to live and lived to work trust me when I say we can live on much less than we think we can.
The more I made the more I spent.

I've been retired a few years now and living on less than half what I made working.
Other than not being able to just go buy whatever I want I am living comfortably.

The mere thought of going back to that miserable 9 to 5 keeps me in check.

If you can lower your cost of living, work less and be you more, you will be one step closer to peace.

Hevyn

Congratulation on your Day 3, AJ. Proud of you.