dickensen

Advbike, Have a good time with your neighbors.

pline

Evening / Morning.

Slouching towards another weekend......
Hi Dickenson.
Good wishes for the pains, Ms Zura. And hope the pizza party was ok Adv. Hi to all the rest of us.....

Little to report.
Just continuing on with same old.....inch forward, a little progress each day, find out a bit more and fix something else. Have needed to replace tiny ball bearings.....ordered overnite delivery so maybe something will show up this morning. Patience with this is wearing a bit thin now....so just leave it and do something else if exasperation sets in.

But still really enjoy waking up in the morning and the entire day is my own. Not sure how I ever managed to fit a day job around the more important stuff. Haven't even done anything freelance for a long time. Maybe I've retired? Didn't think it happened like this tho.

Coming up on a bit of a waypoint sober wise. Thoughts surface about rewards, permissions and 'holiday's etc, so have to sort through all that in the next couple of weeks. Relaxed but vigilant perhaps.

Sit here tapping this out as the garbage truck trundles up the street picking up the bins. Not much in mine at all these days. Big change from the regular rattling cascade of empties before.

Go and get back into it.

All the best, have a good day all.

Zura

Pline - keep holding strong, your doing so well!! It might not feel that way sometimes, but as an outsider looking in, I see huge growth with you. You seem alot happier.

Beautiful day here, pain levels lower, life is good. Went through some of my kids stuff from when they were little and it's really given me a boost. Seems I was my daughter's hero, lots of stories of me being a fairy, a queen and sweet as sugar 🤣. She's grown into such a lovely young woman, I feel confident Ive done a wonderful job. Got some lovely compliments today on what a beautiful home Ive created here, and of course the veggie garden always attracts alot of positive attention.

I do wonder if it's not a great thing it's been outside feedback that's perked me up (the whole ego thing) but it does help to know when your inspiring and creating things that people appreciate. I don't get that appreciation very often (nearly never from the people that benefit from it) so I know it's not the motive behind my action and probably nothing to worry about.

Anyway, hug the people you love today and tell them you see their efforts and how much you appreciate them. Chances are they have no idea.

pline

Thanks Zura.

I've struggled with what I'm trying to do.....probably need to know when its time to walk away from it all for a while. Which would be around about now.
Just order a new part insead of trying to fix the old one. Its not working. Means a long wait for delivery. So just put it all aside for the moment and do something else.
Just had enough of battling with it.....almost all finished, just that last part. Frustration.

That's a wonderful thing to find your daughter wrote Zura. When we have to do and deal with a lot on our own resources some external validation is a wonderful thing.
Enjoy it as deserved. Good the pain easing off too....

Going off to look for something else to do for a while.....
Later

advbike

Haha Pline. The sound of some of my neighbors recycling bins sounds like they are full of bottles, lol. When I lived in Northern Calif and Oregon we had small, open bins on the ground so an early morning walker could view the contents, haha. There were a lot of wine bottles in some of them, plenty of beer bottles in mine too. It sounds to me like you are doing quite well overall. Just keep it going man, I am so proud of you. You have a steadiness and pragmatic outlook that I really envy.

As to the "retirement" - same here - I have no idea how I got anything done before when I was actually working. Sorry to hear that you might have to shelve the laser project for now but kudos if you can do that - I struggle with stopping, although I managed it on the BMW clutch job a couple years back. Until I could get the proper parts. Sometimes it's for the best and when we come back to it might have a fresh perspective.

Zura, so glad things have improved, the day was sunny and the pain is diminished. Great that you got some positive reinforcement through the pics and writing of your daughter, too. And from those garden admirers It really does help us to know we've made a difference in someone's day or life for that matter. Job well done!

pline

Evening / morning.

Thanx for supportive thoughts.

I eventually went back to the ball bearing thing with a different attitude. Reassembled sufficiently to work and allow me to continue putting the rest back. Ordered a new part which can be put in to replace later.
So, this Saturday is to be a long afternoon of cutting filing and drilling a chunk of aluminium to make a mount for the bit that burns the lines. I want it adjustable up and down, which it isn't right now.
Should keep me out of trouble today.

Its about trying to learn a few strategies for the difficult moments isn't it? What they call here the toolbox I guess.
Last night....made the effort to get into cooking something.
Get a recipe that looks doable with what's here. Have plenty of spices and so on .... did a quick, allegedly 'Sri Lankan style', chicken curry. Which involved a surprising number and combination of spices. Cloves, cinnemon, cumin coriander. Got a bit heavy handed with the tumeric, so the colour was def there. It was good....need some new flavours. If you can be bothered doing it, the shift in attention and focus is a good form of urge surfing.

Like you Adv I have trouble changing tasks. Whatever is current gets some momentum and its like stopping the liner mid voyage. Something to learn.

Have a good weekend in the garden Zura. We're probably having the last few good weekends now as winter approaches. I need to attend to my various pots beyond watering.....bit of weeding and a couple of things to go before winter.

Best wishes to all
Later

Free2bme888

Checking in, catching up on posts.

Adv, Mizz, and Zen. I took SSRI S for a while. You need to give them a WHOLE month before you ditch them Mizz. It’s unfortunate that mental struggles have such a negative social connotation. But we are SAFE here, and the support of those who truly understand is a wonderful adjunct to medicinal and cognitive behavior therapies.

Zura, hope you feel better soon.

Pline, walking industrial sites and then finishing off with iced coffees with your son is such a gift. Sobriety is mental.

CSC, this thread got me to my 180, and I still check in once on a while. I still NEVER DRINK NOW, NOW MATTER WHAT.

Im now almost 20 months.



I’ve been in touch with Dusty Fox, and she’s struggling with her daughter but still on the straight and narrow. She need good vibes sent her way,

lovevto all

dickensen

Dusty, Hope you return to this thread soon.

Free2bme888

Hello dickensen, I’m so sorry I left you out on my catch up. Glad you survived the heatwave down south, and all s well with you. I think of you often, and how much you have endured. You are my one of my main inspirations ♥️🤓

advbike

Thanks for stopping in Free, and your sage advice. Always good to hear from old friends who are winning the battle.

Pline, amazing perseverance on that project, and thinking it through so well. I hope the day turned out well and progress was made.

Zura, hoping your muscle pain continues to diminish and the garden is ready for winter.

I've had a good week, capped off with an experience yesterday that was really affirming, if not a bit superficial (ego), but hey we all need a boost sometimes.

Lately on the bikes I have felt my age catching up which is disconcerting, although of course a fact of life. However I was out on my newer gravel bike - did a little bit of gravel riding in a natural area then hopped on our paved bike path system to finish my usual 30 mile training route. On the way back I came across one of our many small bridges and heard the thump thump of someone right on my back wheel, haha.. uh-oh.. so being the competitive old fart that I am - I instinctively picked up the pace. Still there. Picked it up more a couple miles later. Still there. Okay, now we are flat out, 18-20 mph for several more miles, and my hr is pinned at 170. The path changes direction into the wind which is utterly brutal and I have to drop a gear, but I glance back and I have put some distance on him - maybe 100 yards. I am rapidly running out of gas though, and know I can't sustain this pace much longer, so I decide to turn onto an alternate route back. But he FOLLOWS me, lol.

Okay, I get on the new (paved) path and I wave him by.. I am utter toast, as it's been 6 or 7 miles of this now. He slowly comes up, and I say "you're relentless!" but instead of the typical 55yo hot shot biker I am expecting, it is a much younger dude, maybe 35-40, and looks pretty fit. The first thing out of his mouth is "I'm not passing you, I can hardly stay with you!" haha. I just shook my head and we both laughed and carried on at a slightly more normal pace, until I had to make my exit, with a quick wave-off. Good thing he wasn't there for the final climb, haha - I was crawling.. but have been in a great mood since. His very generous comment, and the ride itself made my day.

So the benefits of not drinking - better sleep, more regular training, and (slowly) getting my diet under control - are starting to pay off in actual, measurable physical endurance. The great thing about this sport of cycling is that these things are observable - you can't do it if you're trashing yourself - and you can still have these great moments, even as one gets older.

Best to all for a great weekend.

Zura

Lovely to see you Free and dickensen 😊.

Pline - way to go on keeping on with your project, as frustrating as it must be at times it's seems a good distraction. Always good to have something else to focus on. Cooking is a good one too, as it engages all the senses.

Advbike - great story! You had me riveted and a huge smile broke out on my face at the end. Very life affirming!

Pain levels on the lower end still, thanks for the thoughts. We are having some lovely weather which is making outside activities very enjoyable, although I'm having to take it a bit easier ATM. Almost got my planting done, glad I started earlier this year, with all the delays I'm probably still roughly on time with this last lot.

Got a few projects to do over winter which require some professional assistance and having trouble finding someone to hire. Its smaller scale for these businesses and of course their priorities are the big jobs. Either way there's still PLENTY to do without these extra projects. I just wanted them done this year as I will be returning to the workforce next year. Hopefully I'll find something I can do part time and from home. Not likely but a girl can dream 😊.

Thinking of you all and love and strength to all having a hard time ❤️.

dustyfox

Hi all,
It's been a while, although I have popped by now and again and been pleased to read what you have all been up to.
Things have been very difficult in my life, but I have not drunk a drop and have been thankful for my sobriety. I can't pretend daily life is good because it isn't, the struggle with our daughter has and is all consuming and has dragged us into dark places.
However, the very fact I have the space and energy to write here is definitely a sign that my own mental state is slowly returning to something like normal. Spring and more daylight definitely helps!
Best wishes to all.

Zura

Hey DF - wonderful to hear from you, although of course very sorry for your struggle. I figured with all you had on your plate you probably just didn't have the mental space to be participating. Always thought of you when posting but wanted to give you the space you needed. Absolutely fantastic you've kept your sobriety though. Hoping that the sun comes out metaphorically as well as figuratively. It's been a long hard road, wishing the best for things to settle down asap.

pline

Good to see you here Dusty.
Have always enjoyed your posts. Sorry to read that your difficulties are continuing, inspiring to read that you're doing it all sober.

All the best all.....

advbike

Great to see you, Dusty, albeit under difficult circumstances. Really sorry that you have to spend the fruits of all your hard work dealing with the difficult one, but better that than still drinking, for sure. You are truly a role model for us all. Life is tough on us sometimes, but joyful days will come again. Find a spring meadow and enjoy.

Wishing you the best.

pline

....and its Monday.

That's a good story Adv.
You must be a fit guy. And with a competitive streak....

I tried my bike. Its a bit of clunker I think.....just goes in the back of the car. Rode around v tentatively trying to change the gears. Previously the chain would slip off, spent some time reading about it and how to adjust. Seems to work......but its not a great bike. Don't think it will replace walking, now that I'm mobile again.

What kind of projects u wanting to do Zura? Tradies are v hard to get right now.....which is probably why I've been concreting a small carport. You'll be surprised at what you can actually do on your own. I've been eying the kitchen area here for some time. I have sketches....but hard to plan, its compact. Want a good design....not just a jam it all in arrangement.
Another project. Have to finish current things first.

And make a bigger effort to rejoin the economy in some sense.

Hi to Dickenson and Free too. I wonder occasionally how BABM is travelling.

Later....

advbike

Thanks, Pline, I am pretty fit for my age, espec cardio, which outlasts my legs and feet. I can ride pretty hard for 2 -3 hours. But some days you eat the bear, some days the bear eats you. Today was one of those. Went out for a fairly easy 50km on the classic steel bike, coming back it was 30C, and the wind changed, so I had a headwind all the way back, sigh.. my feet were in serious pain. I could have stopped for 10 min.. but I hate to stop, lol. Part of my obsessive nature. Not that I can't handle a little pain, but tomorrow I won't be able to hike because of it and that's where it really annoys me and harms my ability to cross train.

I am actually considering a performance electric assist road bike to take the edge off on longer rides. Carbon fiber, with a small 250w motor and 360Wh batt in frame, that adds that little bit extra (only 100W in eco mode), with 60 mi range. Only 8-10 lbs heavier than my current CF bike. v expensive though, but the motorcycle is probably going on the block soon anyway. Many advantages, not least I wouldn't be such a sitting duck when I climb back up the 3 mile boulevard to the foothills where I live at the end of my rides. I could probably double my climbing speed, reducing the exposure. Easier on my feet. And for the dang headwinds.. so much wind here in the desert. Have to switch off if racing though, haha. That would be cheating!

Glad you got your bike out and had a nice ride. I don't know why I love bicycles so much. I was the first kid in my school to have a ten-speed - a Schwinn Varsity - something absolutely amazing that my mom did for me, that got me outside more, and active (I had asthma) and probably saved my life. Thanks Mom. Although a runner for many of my adult years, I have always had bicycles around. So practical and fun.

Kitchen project sounds like a lot of fun.

advbike

Morning all - Monday here, lots on the plate this week, mostly home projects and some financial stuff.

I am also improving (slowly) the diet and exercise program and have lost a couple pounds of the winter weight. Maybe 4-5 more to go and I'll be fine. We are getting into the hot season here and the sun is scorching, with a blue sky every day, so I am trying to get out earlier for my rides and walks, but it is a struggle. I just love to drink coffee and do my (obsessive) planning, and read the news in the morning. I need 3 cups just to feel normal, then breakfast (never hungry first thing) so it eats up half the morning, sigh. And you can't go out for a hard 2 hour ride without having eaten well ahead of time.

The tropical home is almost done - final painting in process (had to wait for the summer weather), and local handmade cabinets almost completed. The amazing thing are the plants - on her trips over there she has planted every square inch already - flowering plants, horsetail reeds, some grasses, and vegetables. Some in pots, some in the built in planters, many vegetables just coming out of the ground. Squash and tomatoes are everywhere, and avocado going in. How is this possible? It's like the house came complete with plants and garden, lol. Papaya and mango (my favorite) are of course ubiquitous there, and already growing on the property.

The only problem we have had is the massive water pressure from the mountain above. It has broken pipes, meters, and ruined faucets. I am familiar with this problem from all my time living in hilly places, but we could not find a quality brass water pressure regulator anywhere, for weeks. Finally she drove to Cebu this past weekend and found one (US made) in a small hardware store in the old part of town. Not cheap, but will do the job I think. She and her two sons will spend the summer in the house starting next month, but back to the university town on the other island in August for the better high school. I may go over again this summer to spend some time in it if I can find an affordable fare. Ugh, travel has become so expensive.

Zura, how are you feeling? I hope the sunshine and massages are helping the aches and pains, and that your son is helping out.

BABM - we would love to hear from you, man. I hope you are okay.

Wishing all a great week.

Zura

Good morning 😊

Pline - one of the projects requires excavation and cartage away of an unusable pile of dirt etc, so not really able to do that myself. The other one is putting up a large shed. I did attempt to do it myself but ran into issues. It's a two person job with noone to assist so I've decided to outsource it completely. Too many other priority projects to manage and it's one thing I can potentially get someone else to do....but if I can't find someone I'll just sell the shed kit. If I cull alot of stuff and do some rearranging the one I have will probably suffice. And once I've finished all my projects there will be less in the shed as well.

I was going to use the extra space for drying garlic and onions so my house isn't inundated but it's probably better to dry them inside anyway. I used my clothes drying rack for what could fit on there this year so if I can find a couple more, I can tuck them all away on the drying racks in the spare room. I had the rest on the massive dining room table but it was annoying not being able to use it (it's more a work bench then a dining table nowdays, and I use it alot for projects). That or those racks the supermarkets use to stack bread for transport make excellent stackable drying system for onions/garlic if I can source some.

Advbike - see comment above about not having assistance 😂 Help? What's that? 😂. Lucky for me I'm independent and got lots of 'get up and go'....except when my get up and go, got up and went 😝. I've accepted I'm but one person and can only do what I can, when I can. Sometimes it means things don't run the way they need to but that's a good lesson in detachment from outcome I suppose. The world keeps spinning even if I'm down and out and it's all waiting when I return lol. It is a bit disheartening when produce is lost because of it but we've never gone hungry so it's no big deal.

I just wish my son would maybe wipe the kitchen bench after himself or more importantly clean up when he misses the toilet bowl 😜. Oh and not fill the house with smoke and set the fire alarm off in the middle of the night when forgetting to turn the grill off 😱. My parenting goals are simple lol.

He lives in his own little world though. I guess teenagers are like caterpillars in a cocoon, completely oblivious to the world outside while they mutate and then emerge as a butterfly at the end of the cycle. It's the one cycle of nature I'm not a big fan of and am feeling impatient for it to complete 🤣.

Anyways, all is well enough here. Best wishes for a good week for everyone ❤️.

pline

Afternoon....it's good to sit down.

V full-on day. Finished the laser. Assembled everything together and had a quick test. Seems ok.
So I'm declaring it done. Finished. All the rebuild bit is done. I'm a bit over it, so have a break and do something else.

I'd be v frustrated if I had a shed to go up Zura, and an idle teenager around the place. Can't offer advice on that one. Pity it couldn't be a sort of bonding exercise for the pair of you.

Exerrcise.....Adv, the biking regime sounds pretty full on. I like the idea of the electric assist. We have the hire electric scooters everywhere here....fun, but I'm out for the walk. Tho I probably need something a bit more intense and upper body. Buy some weights maybe.
House sounds great. And with planting.....wonderful thing to do.

trying to cruise along here....have to admit the drinking thoughts have been intruding the last few days. So, dealing with this. Obviously wish I could be just in that place where its simply not an option in the way others speak about it here. Sober to me is still very thin ice, the ice gets a little more secure each day up to a point. Always try to think ahead to the next morning, tomorro....it'd be a sad moment having packed it in for a few hours release the afternoon before.
So, just try to relax and enjoy the present moment. Finishing something is its own reward. Doesn't have to be an excuse to get trashed.
I don't seem to feel physical cravings.....its very much a kind of mental process around deferred pleasures and rewards. Maybe its shifting the mental habit to see the moment as the reward. Something is finished, done. A few weeks back I couldn't have done it. Why go back to that state?

Arguing with myself here......I'll go and have a cook.

Later