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JFT April 13

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Old 04-13-2010, 03:36 AM
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REZ
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JFT April 13

April 13


People-pleasing

“...approval-seeking behavior carried us further into our addiction....”

Basic Text, p. 14

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When others approve of what we do or say, we feel good; when they disapprove, we feel bad. Their opinions of us, and how those opinions make us feel, can have positive value. By making us feel good about steering a straight course, they encourage us to continue doing so. “People-pleasing” is something else entirely. We “people-please” when we do things, right or wrong, solely to gain another person’s approval.

Low self-esteem can make us think we need someone else’s approval to feel okay about ourselves. We do whatever we think it will take to make them tell us we’re okay. We feel good for awhile. Then we start hurting. In trying to please another person, we’ve diminished ourselves and our values. We realize that the approval of others will not fill the emptiness inside us.

The inner satisfaction we seek can be found in doing the right things for the right reasons. We break the people-pleasing cycle when we stop acting merely to gain others’ approval and start acting on our Higher Power’s will for us. When we do, we may be pleasantly surprised to find that the people who really count in our lives will approve all the more of our behavior. Most importantly, though, we will approve of ourselves.

––––=––––

Just for today: Higher Power, help me live in accordance with spiritual principles. Only then can I approve of myself.
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Old 04-13-2010, 03:38 AM
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REZ
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In my using days, I carried a great deal about what people thought of me and not much at all about what I thought of myself. Today, I'm trying to reverse that.
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Old 04-13-2010, 11:26 AM
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We “people-please” when we do things, right or wrong, solely to gain another person’s approval.
This reading beats home for me the importance of understanding that I have to recover for me and place my recovery as the # 1 priority in my life. I've met many addicts over the years that sought recovery in order to appease someone or something. Unfortunately, when they found that whatever they did was never enough, they either returned to active addiction or became miserable for a long time. I've got a sponsee with over 5 years clean who is slowly coming to grips with the reality that doing the right things for the right reasons is more rewarding that seeking the approval of others. Recovery is an inside job and not really about living up to the standards we think others want us to meet. The character defect of dishonesty is always at work when we people-please.
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