REZ

When did you cross the line from recreational use to addictive use of drugs/alcohol? Or was your drug/alcohol use always totally out-of-control and destructive?

Sugah

Always out-of-control and destructive. From the first half-remembered drunk at age 6 to the constant belly aches to get more paregoric around the same age. Although I did have medical issues, I was an expert doctor-shopper and an expert at stealing money from my father's pants while he lay sleeping by age 12.

The object was always to get numb.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

tobefree4me

Hi REZ! When I told myself it was ok to use alcohol to help me sleep or relax. It was easier to relax in my own home drinking than work out, or play sports, be in nature, meditate, or whatever. Regardless of being a "functional alcoholic" it got me anyway. Anyone that says they can "manage" their drinking like I thought, is going to change their mind. It only takes time.

Gmoney

It happened late for me. I was a functional drug addict. Although I believe I was an addict long before I ever used a drug, my drug usage was sporadic and even fun in the early stages. I can't truthfully say an exact date or year, but looking back I can certainly see how my use progressed to a state of total unmanageability and increased consequences. Tolerance probably played a big part for me.

sailorjohn

First time. A wise person would have looked at it and seen the red flags.

A friend found a bottle of clear alcohol, can't remember what it was, this was close to 4 decades ago. We drank it, got wasted, and were walking around a building site. The hard hat sees us and asks if we want to wash his pickup, he'll give us $5. Sure, we wash it, and then it appears that this guy is gone and isn't coming back anytime soon. Don't remember if it was me or the other guy, but we stuck the still running water hose in his gas tank filler. That guy would have beat our asses if he'd caught us, we thought it was pretty funny, at the time.

Latte

The first time I chose to smoke pot. Seriously, it's illegal. I don't what made me think it was okay.

sct

I was probably an addict before I ever used. So, from the first time, it was beyond my control. I didn't use because it was 'fun' or because I especially liked being high. Like Sugah, I just wanted to be numb, from a very early age.

2ala2

I really can't remember recreational use. It was a way of life for me real early. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. I wanted to be someone else. It was a way of life. I used everyday, all the time something or other.

LowBottom

I was always out of control and destructive, long before I took a fix, pill or drink however, my recreation drug use only lasted about a few months until I figured out how to rob, steal and cheat.

Timebuster

My first taste of alcohol was at the age of eight. At eighteen I found alcohol and drugs. At twenty one years old I was a full blown alcoholic. By the time I was twenty two I would wake up in the middle of the night with sever DT’s. I had to sleep with booze underneath my pillow to get me through the night. I wake up in the morning and wait in front of the liquor store and help the owner open up the store.

But by the age of thirty two I become full blown heroin /cocaine addict. With that came the ugly side of addiction. I cant count the lies that came out off my mouth. How many people I manipulated. How many shameful acts I was a part of during my drug progression. The friends, family, the love ones that I hurt so deeply because of my addiction. The people, places and things addiction took me too.

You know what is crazy about this diseases. It took one day at a time before I realize I was trap, hooked. This disease can convince us we are in control. When the fact is at the end, my life had become unmanageable. You know what else is crazy about this diseases. When I got hook on drugs at one point I enjoyed getting high, until it turn into a ugly monster that I wish I never met.

Ivan

REZ

I started with alcohol. The object was to get drunk, but I didn't get drunk all the time. Mostly just on weekends, at parties, with friends. Things changed dramatically when I started smoking pot. I liked it a lot and didn't think there was any problem with smoking it every day. So that's what I did. And pretty soon it was several times a day. My drinking also went from mostly on the weekends to a daily thing and tried other drugs.

Missybuns

Each time I experienced what I feared the most I crossed over. My usage would ebb and flow according to how my projected fears and my real fears came to pass. Eventually I used everyday all the time.

I started using at age 12. Smoking pot, going to underaged drinking parties with the other jr high kids doing it. I had an older brother who experimented with drugs and I needed his acceptance and approval so I kept his secrets, only to do what he did later, to be more like him, and to be liked by him.

My biggest fears were rejection and abandonment. So when my boyfriends broke up with me or I lost a job I would use myself into self-pity and self-loathing...only to use more because of that.

My fears of rejection and abandonment came before I ever used...they stem from being adopted and growing up seeking approval and acceptance.

I believed I was using "recreationally" as a teenager, but the deeper lying issues reveal my problem was my beliefs and thinking.

While I thought I was using recreationally....I was in reality showing symptoms of my underlying issues.

peace,
Missy

Gmoney

I can relate. That's what I meant about progression.

You guys make me feel like I'm not an addict! LOL!! Just kidding. There's no model addict and our stories differ. I had my first taste of a beer when very young, maybe 9 or 10 but didn't think anything of it. I hated the smell and taste and wondered how adults could stomach such a thing. Then at 15 I experimented with weed and beer and I liked the way it made me feel (goofy, silly) not to mention the false courage I needed to talk to girls. Like I said, my using was sporadic. As a high school jock (basketball & football) I wouldn't use when I had upcoming games or when training for specific events. Yet, weekends would be when I'd let loose and get "tipsy." I hated being drunk and all my friends could drink more than me. The solution (to fit in) was a vast variety of pills circulating during the late 70's. By the 80's, snorting cocaine allowed me to drink "like the big boys" but I still considered myself a "weekend warrior" and could stop anytime I wanted to. I had very few consequences and was living pretty good (so I thought) - cars, clothes, jewelry, women, money, good job, still active in sports. I thought I was normal.

I tried freebase for the 1st time in mid-85' and by December of 85' I was in my 1st rehab. I fell pretty fast. Went through my life savings and almost lost my job. I got out of rehab in Jan. 86' and didn't touch cocaine again until 94'. Sure, I continued to smoke weed and drink occasionally (MMP) between 86 and 94, but my use wasn't out of control. I graduated from college, bought a nice home, wrote a book, yadda-yada-yadda... It wasn't until after my grandma passed and my 15 year relationship ended that I had the "brilliant" idea to try coke again. That was the beginning of the end. By 97' I was commiting crimes and by 98' I had lost my job after almost 20 years of service. I could see myself dying. So...I'd have to say I crossed the line somewhere between 94 and 98. I've been clean since 98.

Gmoney

Correction: between 85 and 98

Joeyboy

I crossed the line on the first vicodin. I was a destructive addict right from the get go. The first time was my choice, after that, an obsession. Thanks for this post. Joeyboy

kj3880

It's too hard to be able to say. I never had a "habit" until I was 43. But I did have occasional days even at a very young age, maybe at 19 or so, where I used substances to relax and get away from stress. That, to me, indicates a problem. The dependency part developed during recovery from surgery. After two months of pain control, I found that I couldn't stop. I tried tapering, and wasn't successful. So I ended up in NA and at an addictionologist.

lostbutterfly

I had fun for quite some time. There was always drugs and drink around, I was always attracted to the kind of men who did that sort of thing. And then something happened, I lost someone who meant a lot to me and I took opiates and drank alcohol purely and simply to survive the pain. That was about 4 years ago.

But since I've been going to AA, I realise my thinking has always been "alcoholic" as such. I had an eating disorder from age 16-22. I self-harmed from even younger. I've always looked for something external to change what was going on internally.