HE1980

Yeah I’m DONE like so done ,

I haven’t slept ,

Maybe an hour .

It’s like I had a slap in the face wake up call.

He txted asked if I’m ok,

I said no,

He said me too,

Called me to tell me he almost fell asleep on the highway.

I asked why is he driving and he started telling in a very scattered how he’s meeting friends or picking them up,

And I asked who and why and he started being agitated that I’m “interrogating him”,

And I need to stop with all these questions.

He was SO defensive,

I told him he needs rehab,

He said:

Throwing the words rehab and sponsor at me while I’m high that’s the fastest way to get me to stick a needle in my arm.

I said “ don’t you dare to make this about me”,

He kept saying “it’s about to get worse “,

And I asked why?

And again “ stop with the interrogation “,

And I realized - heroin and told him I’m not as dumb as he thinks I am.

And I kinda hung up just like that.

And that’s when I realized he’s there to get heroin .

I txted him that I’m done ,

He txted me that he’s doing heroin ,

Trying to shock me to worry.

I blocked him,

He called at 4:30 am from an unknown number,

Left me a very stoned heroin message,

Just him saying hey and nodding off over and over .

I’m done ,

Done

Done .

Not the life I want ,

Not the person I want,

Not gonna bring this around my kids,

My home where he or his druggy friends will rob me .

I could see the pattern soooo clearly ,

So clearly !!

Him trying to pull me in cuz he’s in a bad place,

And once I’m back in he’s using that to push me out again,

By belittling the amount of trouble he just said he is in.

4 months ago I was blissfully oblivious to hard drugs and that world ( from a personal perspective),

Now he changed that and it’s not ok.

I wrote him on that txt,

Your choices are effecting my mental health and it’s not ok .
his reply was:
im doing heroin, take care
i said : you too.
i will not be trapped back into this short and intense cycle .
your choices are not my problem to fix or to be ok with .

Anyways-

DONE!!!

Wow this is NOT what this was supposed to be.

I’m so out .

HE1980

I have a good life , I build a good and safe life,
I worked SO hard to get to where I’m at .
You’re not gonna ruin this with your demons .
Bye .
can’t believe I thought ithis can be my new normal .
im so upset .

wyrd

What you're going through sounds like a nightmare. You really got a crash course there on the addict's playbook while actively using, blaming you, threatening your self esteem, drawing you in because you care. But remember the three Cs - you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. It is hard to accept this but right now he does not care about you, or your feelings unless they help him. I think the last thing he wants is pushing you away, rather he wants someone to be available on a moment's notice to complain to while using in peace. This will erode the good life you have built for yourself even if he never sees your kids because it's affecting you as a caring and loving person. Your pain does not matter to him, what matters is that he gets his fix as well as your pity and compassion. He can take both without ever giving back.

I hope you won't let him make this your new normal, leave it behind as a brush with the insanity that tends to engulf anyone affected by active addiction. You have overcome many challenges to get where you are, but this merry-go-round will continue until you pull the plug.

HE1980

I am SO done,
he has NOTHING to offer me that will better my life,
NOTHING,
just sorrow,
anxiety,
pain,
and destruction.

LucyIntheGarden

That was a pretty nasty exchange, HE. But it is this kind of experience which wakes us up.

In addict fashion, he may yet again reach out to you when he needs mothering. (Heroin has also been described as being wrapped in a mother's arms).

It sounds like you have made a firm decision to have no contact.

That will likely be tested.

We are here if you feel you need support.

HE1980

I know and I’m anxious because I’m anticipating him trying to call or something.
im very very anxious.
but I remind myself that I worth more than just being in a one sided relationship where my role is just to be an ear for mindless complaining in order to justify bad choices .
and I do not deserve to be put in a compassion trap that he created and trapped me there only to be upset at me for behaving naturally in the trap.
( care)

trailmix

I'm glad you have made this decision (which you probably already guessed I would say!). The anger will help propel you out of this, hang on to it for a while!

That anxiety? May be because you know that he still has the power to hurt you. The way out of that is not talking to him under any circumstance. That means not to answer calls from unknown numbers, don't listen to voicemail from unknown numbers. It means protecting yourself.

This little predator has worked his way in to your life. Luckily he isn't as firmly planted in it as he thinks he is. He is trying to drag you down with him, please don't let him. Let go or be dragged.

HE1980

thank you!!
I need to truly remind myself that this side of him,
the active addict, the heroin / meth user ,
is selfish , manipulative and has zero compassion for me sponsor told me that there’s a chance he would have tried to get me to use with him at one point ,
as he got comfortable with sharing how sick he is now,
for her it was alarming how fast and how comfortable he felt to share about his track marks, heroin,
meth use all that,
she was very concerned he would have tried to have a heroin buddy .
she also mentioned he would have start resent me because I am successful in my career and have a lot of personal achievements that he always said he’s proud of me for those .
Realizing a lot of this is a bit scary for me .

trailmix

Yes, but he can't hurt you now and look at all you have been through and learned.

I don't necessarily think he was looking for a heroin buddy, that's not something I hear about a lot. I (personally) think it's more about having someone who isn't actually an addict.

If he wanted an addict, he meets many all the time, they are everywhere he goes. What he wants is someone to give him unconditional love. No judgement, no nagging, no boundaries and someone who can take care of the world for him in many ways.

Depending on his personality, your achievements may have rubbed him the wrong way after a while. What I see more of though is that your success is a really great thing for him. You have a place to live, money, food etc etc. You get to be the reliable one.

Being with an addict is exhausting. Eventually, well actually early on, it starts to affect you. Your sleep, your job, your money, your peace of mind. You get to worry, walk on eggshells, be ignored, argue.

It will hurt a bit but it will be short term pain compared to if you had decided to stay with him. Imagine years and years of this.