HE1980

A few days ago while he was on a huge amount of meth he told me he’s getting a leave of absence from work to get on disability and go to an IOP,
now he told me he’s getting high again and is not ready for help , and “obviously he needs some time”,
I told him this is all excuses and I hope his parents will find out cuz he’s sick .
he got angry,
I told him I can’t do this,that I hope he will find his way back and only he can help himself.
and then I blocked him,
I will not let him desensitize me and normalize this.
the way he so casually said: I’m getting high now .
really shook me and made me mad .
im starting to see clearly .
My heart is racing

trailmix

I want to say "good for you" but I know it probably doesn't seem that way to you now, or might not in a few hours.

Sometimes we just have to steel ourselves and follow our best judgement, even though our emotions might be trying to steer us differently. They are feelings, they will pass.

You are really starting to see clearly, in fact I'm glad he said that about getting high, it leaves zero doubt what is important to him. Oh and he might go to IOP, for as long as they will keep him without drug testing and he will stay on disability as long as they let him stay on that.

Blocking someone can be difficult. There may be times when you just want to send a message of support, or ask if he's ok, or something, just to hear maybe something even nice from him to make YOU feel better. It won't. It will just prolong this.

So yes, steel yourself but also a few tools you can use.

When you feel like texting (if you do, maybe you won't!), stop and really think about that logically. What will you get from that, maybe nothing, maybe he won't even bother to reply, so then you can sit there and wonder.

You can ride it out instead. The feeling will pass, jump up, do something, wash a dish, walk around the block, sing a song, put a movie on and sit there and watch it, but I think it's important, at least in the beginning, to actually stand up (if you are sitting) and change rooms. It allows you to time to think and time for the feeling to pass.

If you are angry, let yourself be angry.

Write a list of all the horrible things he has ever said or done. Refer to it often.

Play if forward. If you do text him, then what? You don't get a great, loving, caring, partner, you get to converse with someone using meth.

Above all, remember that this person still has the power to hurt you, don't let him hurt you anymore?

Think about the partner you would actually like. What attributes do they have? Integrity, honesty, kindness. Dream a bit!

HE1980

thank you,
he called me on IG and then from an unknown number, we talked for 30 minutes,
he swears he’s just waiting on his open enrollment for the insurance.
he was very manipulative on the conversation all in a very calm tone.
made himself sound like a saint for being honest .
that ****** w my brain and I unblocked him .
for now.
sometimes it takes a few tries till I’ll get super brave and do it for good .
i can’t wait for the moment to come .
all I can do is keep on going to therapy and work on my codependency, boundaries setting and not hate myself for being weak with him.
we still keep a physical distance which is a blessing I guess .
I got a sponsor yesterday too.
im really determined to work on myself.
this is not my future,
he isn’t my future,
I just need the brain to lead and not the heart .
this feels like insanity .

LucyIntheGarden

Hello, HE,

It really looks as if your Higher Power has been working overtime for you. You have been shown in great flashing red warning signs big as a highway billboard that this man is dangerous, unstable, and NEVER to be trusted. He is a METHAMPHETAMINE ADDICT.

Please, just spend some time online today reading all the articles you can find on METH ADDICTS.

They are DANGEROUS. They can become PSYCHOTIC, They are HIGHLY SEXUALIZED, And no child in this world is safe around one of them. NO child.

You need to block him, rise up like a mother-protector, and get the man away from your life.

I would not trust a Meth addict to take care of a pet. Let alone allow him into my family's life.

trailmix

Yes, never this. Never put that on yourself. It's the opposite of what you want to do really? I'll use the old "if you had a friend that was" - still talking to her horrible ex boyfriend would you tell her she was "weak". Well no because she is struggling with this and it will make her feel worse and it's really not true.

It's not weakness, it's a false comfort.

Although he was manipulative and has now become a saint, it did make you feel a bit better didn't it?

It can, especially if your logical brain is fighting your feelings.

Maybe think of it this way. Your trying to convince yourself not to do this is like him trying to fix his addiction on his own - and here's the kicker - with the same brain that got you there in the first place.

That's why sometimes, in these situations you have to go against your feelings and just steel yourself and trust your wisdom. If you wait for the feelings to catch up, without changing things, it could be a long drawn out fight.

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HE1980

im reading so much here that’s why I had the guts to break up with him ,
thanks to everyone here .
that was a HUGE step for me.
also I have to be clear that he NEVER met my kids nor will he ever will,
very very protective of them,
he never been to my house .

LucyIntheGarden

You were so wise, HE, about being careful concerning your kids, early on. I was not so wise when I was a young parent, I had to learn by experience that people have to earn our trust.

I hope next week is a better week for you.