Dee74

sorry about the ^
I wasn't being specific... just a mistype

D

BackToSquareOne

Noro, something I used in early sobriety whenever the cravings hit was to bring up a mental image of one of my worst withdrawals, make the image bigger and bigger, feel those horrific feelings again and ask myself if I really wanted to go back to that. It did seem to help.

Noro

Good point, BackToSquareOne. Remembering and focusing on past withdrawals, although unpleasant, definitely helps keep me away from the drink. And I have plenty that I can think back to. Just a week ago, when I started this thread, I'd just gotten through one of the worst nights of withdrawals I'd ever had. It's certainly not something I want to go through ever again.

Thank you for the advice!

BackToSquareOne

Noro, I carried that whole idea one step further, I had an imaginary control panel in my mind and when I had the cravings I pulled the lever that brought up the vivid images of the horrific withdrawals. If I was depressed I pulled the lever that brought up images of the happiest times in my life. If I was unmotivated I pulled the motivation lever. This sounds incredibly stupid to most people but to a degree it did help elicit the thoughts and feelings that I needed in a given situation. My control panel got pretty big after a while!

Noro

That's fascinating, and doesn't sound stupid at all. It shows that you've developed more command over your emotions and you keep things in perspective. For now, I'm at a point where my emotions and level of motivation is all out of whack. I feel the need to make concrete changes to my life in order to build off the effort and sustain my motivation to keep at it. I'm a person who needs to keep going because if I stagnate and get too comfortable, I lose all momentum and could damn well waste months or even years. When my life becomes motionless, I fall into depression and substance abuse pretty easily. I think that one major thing that led to my relapse (besides neglecting the support I needed) was the fact that I wanted to get my life moving, yet I just wasn't getting it done. I was making excuses and I was depressed. It's like I wanted to wallow in it because I couldn't pull the lever, as you say, in order to spark that motivation that I need to really get moving and put all that melancholy and negative thinking behind me.

I could sit here all day and dwell on my regrets over the past few months. I have more regrets than I can handle, when I think about it. It is inspiring that you have learned to take control of your emotions and your cravings. It's something that I've found very hard to do. For me, the closest I felt I could come to pulling that lever, was pulling back a bottle. And that HAS to change.

neferkamichael

Noro, day 1? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations.

Noro

Hey, neferkamichael. It's day seven now, in fact! And thank you for the support.