No more drinking (after another embarassing blackout)
Cindi74- I can totally relate, except for me it's not just women, it's whoever is handy. Family, friends, strangers. No one is safe. And on the rare occasion that I remember any of it, my thought process is never sexual. I just want to kiss someone and feel 'connected' and then I get offended if they "take it wrong." Yep. It's a really miserable feeling.
Twenty- I had my last blackout last weekend and decided it was enough; it's only been a week and it is hard. I hope you were able to ignore all those texts from your friends!
Twenty- I had my last blackout last weekend and decided it was enough; it's only been a week and it is hard. I hope you were able to ignore all those texts from your friends!
Cindi74- I can totally relate, except for me it's not just women, it's whoever is handy. Family, friends, strangers. No one is safe. And on the rare occasion that I remember any of it, my thought process is never sexual. I just want to kiss someone and feel 'connected' and then I get offended if they "take it wrong." Yep. It's a really miserable feeling.
Twenty- I had my last blackout last weekend and decided it was enough; it's only been a week and it is hard. I hope you were able to ignore all those texts from your friends!
Twenty- I had my last blackout last weekend and decided it was enough; it's only been a week and it is hard. I hope you were able to ignore all those texts from your friends!
I know...I was not kissing to be sexual I was just so lonely inside of myself when I drank-I needed that human connection too, and most likely I kissed girls b/c I was w/ my boyfriend while out and if it had been a guy-there would have been HUGE problems..so when a guy would hit on me I actually had enough wits about me to know someone would get hurt (if not killed). But I knew he didn't mind if I kissed girls-you know how Men are.....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 147
Man this stuff is scary to say the least. I'm really sorry you guys have had these things happen, seriously. I blackout too, but luckily nothing too bad has happened. I totally understand though. I totally know what it's like to drink and have all these demons come out of you. It is truly scary stuff.
I'm still trying to figure out the higher power part but it is better to deal with that sober in AA, than out there slipping up drinking and getting back into the cycle.
Spawn, guess I should be thankful that never happened. But as least you are here to tell about it!
I think another ro k bottom has been Xmas eve...have it at my house and tell myself every year I wont get drink... Past two I don't remember everyone leaving. Sooooo depressing and awful...such a special holiday and spend lots of money time decorating and cooking. For what....to nots remember it.
I think another ro k bottom has been Xmas eve...have it at my house and tell myself every year I wont get drink... Past two I don't remember everyone leaving. Sooooo depressing and awful...such a special holiday and spend lots of money time decorating and cooking. For what....to nots remember it.
![react](https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/smilies/reaction.gif)
I think another ro k bottom has been Xmas eve...have it at my house and tell myself every year I wont get drink... Past two I don't remember everyone leaving. Sooooo depressing and awful...such a special holiday and spend lots of money time decorating and cooking. For what....to nots remember it. ![react](https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/smilies/reaction.gif)
![react](https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/smilies/reaction.gif)
On more than one occasion, back when we would actually have guests, I'd wake up the next morning and wonder when everyone had left. 9 times out of 10 they cleared out because of my drinking.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 270
Thanks for the reminder of the bad old days.
I said many times 'That's it, I'm stopping drinking' after a tough night, and later I was heading out to do it again. It's not like something bad will impress us and make us stop. From what I've observed there's nothing bad enough.
So, stay as safe as is possible.
Personally, I'm glad I blacked out on some of those nights. I wouldn't want those memories. I wish some of the others had been blackouts.
I said many times 'That's it, I'm stopping drinking' after a tough night, and later I was heading out to do it again. It's not like something bad will impress us and make us stop. From what I've observed there's nothing bad enough.
So, stay as safe as is possible.
Personally, I'm glad I blacked out on some of those nights. I wouldn't want those memories. I wish some of the others had been blackouts.
Thanks for the reminder of the bad old days.
I said many times 'That's it, I'm stopping drinking' after a tough night, and later I was heading out to do it again. It's not like something bad will impress us and make us stop. From what I've observed there's nothing bad enough.
So, stay as safe as is possible.
Personally, I'm glad I blacked out on some of those nights. I wouldn't want those memories. I wish some of the others had been blackouts.
I said many times 'That's it, I'm stopping drinking' after a tough night, and later I was heading out to do it again. It's not like something bad will impress us and make us stop. From what I've observed there's nothing bad enough.
So, stay as safe as is possible.
Personally, I'm glad I blacked out on some of those nights. I wouldn't want those memories. I wish some of the others had been blackouts.
![](https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/smilies/cry_ani.gif)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 279
I Feel Your Pain
I got drunk with co-workers and hit on a co-worker. I do not remember this at all. Everyone else thought it was extremely funny as I am normally very reserved. This was when I realized that I had become a blackout drunk. When you drink alone you don't realize this. And no I didn't try to stop drinking until months afterwards
Blackouts scared me sober! Only towards the end did I begin blacking out.
It's a terrible feeling knowing that even if you don't remember anything, you're still responsible for your actions drunk out of your socks... My solution to blackouts now is not to have the first drink. It's the only thing that always works and keeps my reputation intact (and other people alive!)
It's sadly all to common to not remember killing people with your car, but going to jail anyway. We are responsible for taking the first drink...and everything that happens after that.
It's a terrible feeling knowing that even if you don't remember anything, you're still responsible for your actions drunk out of your socks... My solution to blackouts now is not to have the first drink. It's the only thing that always works and keeps my reputation intact (and other people alive!)
It's sadly all to common to not remember killing people with your car, but going to jail anyway. We are responsible for taking the first drink...and everything that happens after that.
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