navysteve

In my understanding of the 12 steps my job is to now serve as a witness for what the power of God can do. The absolute love I was given by fellow AA members as they walked me through this process was amazing! We often say that we may be the only Big Book someone will ever read. Are we living up to the title? Where do we fall short?

I know for me I still have a long way to go. The man who introduced me to the Big Book was often:
blunt but never cold
Passionate but never over-emotional

Just in those two areas I can find a long list of times I have fallen short. Many times when a newcomer failed to meet my pre-determined level of commitment I have found reasons to cut them loose. I used to use the Big Book to justify ( not qualify) dumping new men because they weren't "willing" enough.

totfit

Sounds like you really need to examine "ego". Remember that you aren't that important. The world goes on, people go on with or without us.

jimhere

I believe that when I take the Third Step, my life is no longer any of my business. It belongs to God. The prayer asks that I given victory over my difficulties so that I may be an example of God's Power, God's Love, and this way of life. You often hear that coincidences are God wanting to be anonymous. Well, I don't believe that God wants to be anonymous. I believe God needs to be expressed. In fact, if I don't allow that, it will eat me up.

To me, practicing these principles is carrying the message. How I live shouts much louder than what I say.
Jim

24hrsAday

talk is cheap.. actions speak louder than words!

navysteve

A big part of my daily inventory is just this idea Jim. Many of my internal conflicts come from not allowing God to be expressed through me.

laurie6781

There was an 'old timer' in my home group, Jim H, who at ever meeting used to say:

"You may be the only example of a Big Book that someone ever sees, so make DAMN sure you are a true and accurate copy."

That has stayed with me all these years. I am still a 'work in progress', however, feel that my actions for many years now have been based on LIVING the 12 steps in my daily life.

I believe that by Living the Principles of the 12 steps on a daily basis to the best of my ability I am doing just that.

THE PRINCIPLES ARE THE STEPS


1. HONESTY
2. HOPE
3. FAITH
4. COURAGE
5. INTEGRITY
6. WILLINGNESS
7. HUMILITY
8. BROTHERLY LOVE
9. JUSTICE
10. PERSEVERANCE
11. SPIRITUAL AWAKENING
12. SERVICE

J M H O


Love and hugs,

Freedom1990

I heard that from more than one old timer in my group over the years, and I try to apply it to my life.

barb dwyer

Steve-

I say this all the time in meetings:

We never know who is watching us.

The greatest 'testament' we have ... is our actions.

People sit back and watch us.
They are looking for something.
Some are looking for flaws -
so they can continue to be afraid of AA and not work their own steps.
Others are looking for justifications from within their own private hells.
(or public hells - their suffering shows far more than they are aware)

Just as OUR actions speak louder than any words
so do they look to us for strength, inspiration, and for hope...
and they mostly do that
without us ever uttering a word.

And in the long run
it's only this tiny percentile of the whole
who are watching
in hopes of saving their own lives.

So for me -
it's never been an issue of saying the right thing
the times anyone has come to me
and thanked me for something I did or said -
it was something I had no idea was going to make any difference anyway.

Wolfchild

Thank you for honestly sharing about that stumbling block.

i used to proclaim a bit of truth about recovery and spiritual principles in a self righteous and self serving way myself! Fortunatly, i became aware of that while writing on my Sixth Step. Passion is a great and beautiful asset, especially when it comes from a grateful heart. Thank God i don't have to supress any of my character defects anymore!

The Let Go, Let God attitude works much better for me than trying to revise my self will.
Life is much better living it pure and simple each day that i continue to draw breath!!

Music

The Big Book talks about moving on to others rather than wasteing time with someone who doesn't want to do what's necessary. It's a judgment call, but if I don't make it, who will? My time is my life and I won't waste it with someone who's not willing to do what I did. Then again, sometimes we're put with someone who's not a good match. Time to suggest someone else who might be better suited to carry the message that hits the spot.

Boleo

THE PRINCIPLES ARE THE STEPS

1. HUMILITY
2. HUMILITY
3. HUMILITY
4. HUMILITY
5. HUMILITY
6. HUMILITY
7. HUMILITY
8. HUMILITY
9. HUMILITY
10. HUMILITY
11. HUMILITY
12. HUMILITY

"...humility is the foundation principle of each of A.A.'s Twelve Steps."
(12&12 page 70)

navysteve

You are right my friend, that is why I put the words justify and qualify in there. There is a difference in me making a judgement call about a new man and judging them. Perhaps I didn't word it right. I am surely not for chasing the unwilling. But I do believe the term willing to go to any lengths gets mis-used ( especially by me!)

nelco

ok let me share an example here. Sponsoring a girl who has be in de tox twice in the last 8 weeks, continues to smoke hash and is in a toxic relationship with a guy who supplies her drink. I have took her to meetings and we have discussed step one. I have suggested reading in the big book and she tells me "yeh tomorrow I will" / she continues to ring and text, but also continues to smoke hash and stay in toxic relationship. Each time I just say "well I am suggesting you stop smoking hash, if you want to move on in your recovery". She wants meetings, me, , hash and toxic relationship.....she almost died twice.

Music

Maybe these internal conflicts are coming about because God is being expressed through you and you're questioning God's judgment. When I'm dealing with anyone, I try to keep in mind that God is love. Sometimes God's love is tough to swollow because people equate God's love with softness, and things working out the way they like. Sometimes God's love doesn't come the way we like it or expect it.

navysteve

That is exactly it Music, when I don't allow ( or fight) God to express his will ( in whatever form) through me I will be in a state of disharmony.

Sounds like someone who isn't ready. Unfortunately, many will die so few will find freedom. I have a guy like that here, he has been around the rooms for almost 30 years and can't get more than a few months together.

nelco

I guess I shared that example thats going on for me right now.... cause I was hoping some of you would share your experiences. She just got in touch this morning again......admitts to have smoked hash and it usually leads her back to alcohol, she knows this. I am trying to keep the door open but at the same time not enable.

nelco

thanks steve, I think we posted at the same time.

McGowdog

Oh yeah? And type is cheap... talk speaks louder than posts!

What's your point?

Humility is great and all... if you have it. Ego is bad and all... but you can't wish it away anymore than alcohol.

When working with or at least talking to a new person, I don't try to be a big book. Instead, I have one handy. When in doubt, I whip it out. I try to talk a bit to them what it was like with me. I listen to them. I ask them pertanent questions about control or the lack thereof. If I get a feel that they might have had something too much to drink, I sort of ask them if they want to do anything about it.

If they want to continue to smoke hash, here's what my phone would sound like; "click".

Humility is great, and the 12 & 12 is what it is. But if I was going to endow any new person with a principle, here's the first one I'd pass on to them;

RESPONSIBILITY

That's not in the 12 principles that I can see, but it seems to jive with Step Before the Steps; If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it- then you are ready to take certain steps.

Under my list of principles, I have two different from what Laura listed

8. Forgiveness
11. Awareness

laurie6781

I do believe that some of us, myself included understood the meaning of the title of this thread a little differently.

To me it was about "practicing these principles in ALL our affairs." Not just when working with a newcomer. How do I act out in public? How do I act in my own home? How do I act with the checker at the grocery store? Do I walk the way I talk?

This took me a while to really understand (several years, lol). Today to the best of my ability, and some days are better than others, I PRACTICE thoughtfulness, kindness, and consideration to all who cross my path and treat others the way I would wish to be treated. Oh I am far from perfect, but i am a lot better today than I was in early recovery. Just another thing I will continue to work on.

Have you ever stopped in the grocery store at the end of the day and when you get to the check out you can see that the checker is worn out, been on his/her feet all day and is just waiting for quitting time? Try giving that checker a sincere and honest smile and a thank you when you get your change. Watch the change come over that person. You too are probably tired at the end of the day, but I can honestly say you will walk out of that store feeling much 'lighter.'

Or, when stopped at a light, and someone is waiting to get into the traffic line from a strip mall or business, let them in. Not only does "what goes around come around" and somewhere down the line someone will let you in, but the feeling you get cannot be described. Holding the door open for someone going out after you or coming in after you. With 'practice' these become 'natural.' There are many more things I have had to practice to make them a part of me.

I do believe this is all part of "being an example. "Practicing these principles in all our affairs."

That is what the title of this thread means to me.

Yep, McGowDog I can agree that those could be used, maybe this way:

8. Brotherly Love/Forgiveness
11. Spiritual Awakening/Awareness

To trigger what needs to be triggered in these complex minds of ours.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

FightingIrish

I was driving one of my sponsees to an outgoing the other night - and I was a bit concerned about getting there on time. (If I get somewhere ten minutes early, that equals "just in time" to me.)

I pulled up towards a stop sign and there was a car stopped in front of me that did not avail itself of a "turning opportunity" that I would have taken myself, so I hit my hand to the horn for a quick honk. My sponsee almost lost it because of a) my behavior and b) because we were in a sketchy neighborhood.

I was so embarrassed, but if I had been alone I wonder if I'd have even thought twice about being so impatient.