RufusACanal

"We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed."

Excerpt from the First Edition of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

gravity

For me, these are some of the most powerful words in the Big Book. I first read this perhaps a week after I joined AA. It perfectly articulates how I felt after I sobered up from my last bender. Not only was acceptance of my alcoholism the “first step in recovery”, these words also meant that I could in fact recover and that AA would help if I gave it a chance. A glimmer of hope.

The day the delusion was smashed:

I accepted that I am an alcoholic.
I accepted that if I keep drinking, I will have a mental breakdown.
I accepted that I cannot quit on my own.
I accepted that if I did not act with urgency, I would drink again.

Absolute certainty. With this acceptance comes such peace – no more fighting.

I believe that if any one of these realizations did not come to me, I would still be drinking.

Why did everything come together the way it did the day I quit drinking? Why did my beliefs change so drastically? Why not sooner? Or later? I now accept that I will never know, that everything is exactly is as it is supposed to be. It was very likely the first spiritual experience I had in my sobriety.

nandm

This statement truly hits home for me. It was only when I was able to admit that I was defeated by King Alcohol that I was humble and desperate enough to try a spiritual solution. As long as I had a glimmer of hope in my head that I could win this war on my own I was unable to go to the lengths it took to get sober. I was not able to stop fighting long enough to hear the message that AA provides and pick up the kit of spiritual tools I need to stop the war. Today I am at peace with my alcoholism. I do not fight with it, I accept it for what it is, an fatal illness that I have to take medicine for if I want to keep it in remission. The medication is provided through a spiritual contact with my Higher Power.

Thanks for 12 Stepping me today, Rufus

Tazman53

Thanks again Rufus, powerful stuff, I saw death and I did not like how I was going to die, this took me to my knees and acceptance of what I was and who I was, it was at that time that I was willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober, first detox and then AA, picking up those spiritual tools, one at a time, slowly, I changed and with that change came the spirituality that led to the lifting of the obsession and further change in my life.