Good job on your days sober! I hope things get better for you soon! And remember its ok to vent.

Brighten :)

Nice job on day #3 LuLu. It is very encouraging to hear you working on your plan. I’ve lived a long ways from family my entire adult life. I drive home for most Christmas, but I’m always happy to come back to my home. Sleep well and focus on day #4. Glad you are here. SF

Day 4. I woke up at 3am last night...the repercussions of the devil-bottle detox. I have the weirdest dreams.

I haven't been eating well and all my vitamins are packed somewhere in a box. Trying to make protein shakes at least for some protein. Bananas. My legs have lost muscle tone and gonna do some calisthenics today for 20 minutes. Maybe go out and get a salad from the store. Boxing up things is a slow process for me right now....I just went through it 3 weeks ago. I hope I can lose this hatred I have towards the employer who lied to me and tempted me to move 1400 miles only to get fired after three days. Part my fault for being a drunk and going for it. Really trying to get over this whole messed up situation and think positive about the future. I'm just happy I have not had a drink during this time of unrest. Someone told me to forgive, forget, and move on. Not so sure I can forgive this man...he knew exactly what was going on.

Dropping a resentment isn't quite the same as forgiving. It's more a case of accepting that the person behaved badly towards us and making a decision that we're going to stop putting it on Replay mode in our heads and make the decision to get on with being happy in our future. Ultimately you being pissed off with him isn't hurting him at the moment. Only you. It's like punishing yourself for something he did wrong.

Does that make sense?

BB

Don't forgive him right now. Use your anger to fuel your recovery! Show him (metaphorically) that you ARE strong, you ARE a valuable person, and a sought after employee! Get revenge by becoming the best YOU that you can be. Get yourself into a safe living situation. Get a job. And, keep on keeping on in getting sober! You can do this! Sending big hugs and hope to you!!!

Honestly it doesn't matter if you ever forgive him,but you will forget about him. Did you ever go to a meeting?

Is this a common experience? Locked doors? Every meeting I've been to people come and go... Is this different in different areas!

Makes sense. Thanks...

Exactly what I am going to do. Get into a safe place and get healthy. My next place is a brand new apt in Texas....I will call it Steiner Ranch rehab. Maybe take 2 months off of everything and work on my recovery. Then look for a job.

Thanks. They are so far away and my car engine light came on yesterday. I need to take my car into the shop tomorrow morning. I did, however, spend hours here in the chatroom. HOURS. Still on. Don't know how to use the threads?? Rooms? Not sure where else to go here...

I hate to say it and I am not judging, but it was not in a good place. And it was a small store-like place on a very busy blvd. Glass front doors LOCKED. I've been to meetings way back in Irvine, CA and never had a problem. Really nice locations: hospital, church, business areas.

Our regular people who we chat together with call is the "Really Rough Day" group.

I love your fighting spirit! I’m glad you are spending time here and way to go on day 4. I love that you are fighting for you! How is working on your plan going? Taking each day as an opportunity to recreate the new awesome you, building self esteem and confidence is perfect! I’m going out of town til Wednesday evening so this could be a challenge, but I no longer willing to let anyone, any circumstance, nor my own emotions give me permission to drink. Especially not my own emotions. Otherwise i wouldn’t make it a day. You made it another day! I’m very happy for you and proud you are back fighting for sobriety! Stay strong!

Day 5. Just woke 1am. Can't sleep, even after taking 2 Benadryl. Boxed up most things yesterday and and stacked them next to front door. Put the mattress in front room with boxes. Will have everything gathered together in this room tomorrow morning. Moving the 30th. Spoke to my friend from in TX last night. She just got out of MD Anderson after 5 days chemo drip...and she repeats this treatment 4 more times. Praying she will not get too sick this week from the withdrawal from the chemo. They say day 8 is when it will hit her. Being there for her sober will be worth it's weight. This incident with the moving to CA only to be let go gave me so much pain, panic, and anxiety.....it was unbearable for 3 days straight. It was a pain I never want to relive. But I believe that all of it happened for the reason to get sober once and for all. I need to take my car into the shop tomorrow....the engine light came on. I guess ok cause there is a recall on the airbag so it is good timing. Thinking I'll take the rental they give me to go see my mom one more time before I leave CA....it's a 2 hr drive and I'd rather use the miles on a rental. Trying to focus on the moment and let fear that has haunted me the last 4 years dwindle away. All the worries from days past meant nothing but pain and anguish. I think I need to spin this whole CA move into a positive. Thanks SR.

Hang in there, LuLu! Better times are coming.:grouphug:

Keep it up!!!

You can do it.

In sobriety, ALL things are manageable.

Hugs. Big, sober hugs, to you!

I hope your day is positive and awesome. Drive safely!

My feelings and emotions are up and down today. Not drinking. I feel defeated with this employer who had me come out and I probably won't get a dime from the attorneys claim.

There are good things happening too LuLu - you're going back to Texas, you're sober...you're putting the foundations in place for a great future :)

hang in there :)

D

Day 6, 2:35 am woke up can't sleep now. Laying here looking at the mess of boxes again reminding me of what alcohol does to one's decision making and behavior. Driving away from mechanic yesterday, the vehicle in front of me abruptly stopped in the flow of traffic. I had to quickly whip my car left and around it to avoid a collision. The driver was careless by stopping, but had I been drinking I'm certain I would have rear ended that vehicle. I thought how careless she was, but what really came to mind was in an instant my life would have been filled with more harsh consequences had I been intoxicated.

I’m glad you are safe. Certainly with the fog lifting, you are so much sharper and capable. I noticed improvements continually the first month around 100 days and then again around 5 months. I think our brain is continually cleaning itself out and healing. It is pretty awesome and so much better than the hangover brain. Drive carefully, I’m certain better sleep is coming. I slept poorly at first, much better now most night. Stay strong day 6 is awesome!

'Ben' by Michael Jackson, please get out of my head!

Yep, I still got the ringing in my ears as well. Cant wait til this passes..

I'm glad you're not hurt LuLu

D

Day 7 - 12:40am. Woke up again in the middle of the night. Goal later today is to start my exercise routine to regain muscle tone and lose the booze gut. I'm starting to dread the thought about driving all the way back to Texas, but I'm not afraid. I'd like to bulldoze my way through unpleasant situations moving forward. Juggernaut.

Way to gain focus and resolve! Love it!

Day 9, 5am. Feeling better then day 1. Still have the nasty taste and smell of metal. I've been posting in Class of October 2017 Thread just in case anyone new reads this thread, I'm still around and sober.

Hey LuLu! Congrats on your days sober!! Thats great!! :)

Day 10. Sober....