more prayers least...
Father's day here. On the pathetic hope sons would visit, I scrubbed and cleaned.
Nope. I am not feeling sorry for myself , given I feel crap anyway....but I am saddened and then the guilt comes.
Oh well. I know I am doing ok.
3 short walks today...2h.
Attached Imageshttps://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...d-ho-sept4.jpg

I'm sorry you were disappointed PJ.

D

I am sorry, too, dear John. :hug: xx

oops missed- one son sent a belated FD message

Good morning my end friends I'm not sure if I have shared this with you guys but we had to put Glen to sleep at the beginning of January I'm OK so is the family I'm almost a year abstinent no tea no coffee no caffeine I still haven't touched a drink in over 9 years to be honest
it feels good to be honest sorry I hardly post here I recently turned 40 no grey hairs yet but its on the horizon

I go to loads of different fellowship meetings if anyone would like to send a message and to connect more with you guys is it ok to ask can we swap telephone numbers as were in the age of whatsapp and be connected all over the world via zoom I keep my camera off and yeah some meetings are out of this world good I've even done a aussie ma online meeting loved it too anyway I hope you have a nice morning afternoon or good evening loads of love SW

Hiya Classmates :wave:

Hiya Wolfie. Aaaw I’m so sorry to hear Glen has gone over the rainbow bridge. :hug:
I’m pleased you’re getting something from the zoom meetings.
Happy birthday on turning 40! Believe me when I say you’re still a young ‘un!

I couldn’t get on with zoom meetings to be honest. Had a few with a course I was doing and didn’t end up listening to the tutor but checking I’d done everything to get connected. But that’s probably me! :)


Hope it’s a good weekend for everyone.

Sending lots of love and hugs to all Julyers. xxxx :grouphug:

Wolfie, I feel so sorry to hear of Glens passing. I feel like everyone’s babies are so part of our family here’s glad you are socialising and connecting in your meetings.

John, sorry about Father’s Day. Kudos to you for working each day to keep up a routine.

Personally, I’m in a bit of a deep, dark hole. I’m exceptionally depressed at the moment and even my own bs pep talks aren’t working on myself. Maybe it’s an ageing thing, coupled with a couple of after effects of life impacts to my life after this global Covid drama, too much to mention here, but yes I feel not good. Missed opportunities and all that garbage. I hope things will improve. Each day I tell myself I will make a new start to my attitude tomorrow but tomorrow comes and I don’t care.

sorry to be a downer. I know it’s unlike me, but just being honest re current weather report. Cloudy, very cloudy. 🥀😔

CW sorry you’re going through some rough weather love. It’s good that you recognise the signs and are making the effort to wade through it. Keep trying every day, the better weather will come, one step in front of the other love. :hug: :Valdog:

I hope things will turn a corner for you soon CW :grouphug:

D

Thanks so much, Mags and Dee. xx Yes, you are right Mags. I do have my tools. If it doesn’t pass on the next few weeks, I’ll consider Meds, but am going to try nutrition changes first. I’m eating a lot of sweets and with hormonal changes I’m not being kind to myself.

prayers CW.

Another Uncle has died. Not to be confused by an uncle dying about 2w ago.
Ths uncle was\is married to an aunt who died 3w ago.

This death has more meaning to me tha than other 2 deaths.

sorry for your loss PJ.
I hope better times are ahead CW :)

Sorry for your loss PJ :hug:

CW, I agree how our food/nutrition can be a mood changer for us. Pleased you’re taking care love. :hug:

I had a moment’s meltdown earlier thinking about what I was doing today. I’m doing Sunday lunch for mum-in-law and us at her house. With her Alzheimers she is unable to put a meal together but likes to help so I find something for her to do, usually the carrots and setting the table.
Back to my meltdown. In the past it could’ve drove me back to bed and stayed there depressed all day.
Fortunately getting sober and using my sober tools through every day problems too I was able to rationalise my thinking and get on an even keel. I still feel ‘butterflies’ but I know I’ll get through without any meltdowns.

Love to all my Julyer Classmates. xxxx

(((Mags)))

D

Again dear PJ, I am very sorry. Sending so much love. :hug: s ❤️

Love to you too, dearest CW and Mags. ❤️❤️

Thanks Dee and Suze. Thankfully the meal went fine and I panicked over nothing. As I used to constantly. Great to have the sober tools to use for everything.

Mags, honey, I know how hard this is. And I know you already know this, but lean on me anytime you like regarding your MIL and her care.
I did this for a long time. :hug: s xx ❤️

Thanks Suze. :)

Prayers Mags

Thanks PJ. I’m fine really. I just have panic attacks that could lead into full blown panic. I used to drink to, I thought help, though we all know it doesn’t.
I’ve learnt to work through them most of the time. I’m doing ok.

Thanks for all your kind words. I didn’t mean to come and moan it sorta just happened.

Love to all Julyers xxxx

Sending unlimited love to everyone who needs it today

Mags! That’s not moaning!!! We are all human and honestly, it actually does help to know that others also have their ‘moments’, as I do too.

I know I find it comfort to know and understand that the brain being exposed to different stressors triggers and old feeling or anxiety, and I know my AV used to thrive on presenting me with a “let’s drink” option. Everything, not just sobriety, is one day, one hour one minute at a time.

I think I’m waffling now, better go do my tasks! xx

repeated post elsewhere
Big walk
Next to an expressway- few other people with dogs. Roxy goes mental seeing other dogs. I shorten her leash length (NO CHOKE collars!)and keep walking. Until recently all the services/buildings govt owned-2 goals, a big nursing home and a secure facility for prisoners with mental health issues (I worked there as an RN for a time. Lots of vacant land...which seems logical...nowhere for escapees to hide. But developers have moved in with speed. Land plots marked, and the 'happy families', lifestyle billboards- huge ones...with professional couples-laughing with friends over coffee, or at the gym....Call me a finder of 'that which will never be'... but I wouldn't build a house with 2 prisons as neighbours. National public holiday marking the passing of QLizzy2.
I'm trying to stay discipined enough to heed my own advice....walked about 14k. Brain whispers 'go for a personal best , push,push...'
Replace exercise with drinking....'one more drink won't hurt, go for it'.
That compulsive way of thinking-should,have to, must!
Soldier on peoples, but do so with care.

Attached Imageshttps://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-88-dog1.jpg

Thanks CW. I agree that having knowledge of how the av behaves gives us ‘ammunition’ sober tools and sober muscles against it.

I know I won’t drink again but 9 times out of 10 on the way home from mum-in-law’s when I’m mentally exhausted and we pass the pub on the riverbank my head says ‘let’s get pi§§ed! I’ve got the know how through sober tools and coming to SR that it’s a fleeting thought, in and out, it doesn’t fester and grow. I have many thoughts I don’t act on, good job really! :biglaugh:.

PJ, houses seem to pop up everywhere nowadays. They squeeze them in anywhere it seems. Hope you and Roxy had a good walk. She looks well rested. :hug:

Hi everyone ,
hope you all have a good weekend-

PJ I didn’t know you were a registered nurse ! Well done you.

I bet beautiful Roxy feels so blessed for you to have chosen her


xxx

Hi Snooz :)

Have a good weekend everyone :)

D

Hey Snooz! xx

PJ, you painted a vivid scene re the gentrification of your locale. Often, people moving in if they are younger, won’t look at the history, or perhaps realise what they are buying into. Or it will become rows of cheap housing where investors don’t care and just want to rent out to our now desperate rental market. It’s the almighty dollar at work.

ps. That pic of Roxy curled up so tightly is so damn adorable that I squealed, hehe.

Mags, thank you for sharing your story. Can resonate with that, for sure.

Leshar and Croutie, thinking of you both, hope you are ok.

Bob, sending love too. Hope your little family is well.

lots of walking....to just 'be'. Three relatives died, old age. I believe my uncle's death, just 2w after his wife...was grief...not drinking..as booze was how my FOO dealth with such events. It has reminded me of my own experiences with dying. I am saddened...by where booze took me...and always grateful for my life...
Dog stuffed full of sausages

That’s a lot of shifting in the universe to deal with PJ. I see aunts and uncles I am fond of, ageing and I can’t imagine how life will feel if they passed in quick succession.

I feel my own mortality a lot now, not morbidly, but I guess the reality of time wasted is the best way to put it. Probably explains a bit of my depresso right now.

I did feel buoyed today. Maybe the warm air and a good dose of vitamin D in the sun did me good. I’m also trying to get back into my mini veg pots I’m growing. Little things. :)

Walking with Rox (dog) is the best fit for not injuring myself exercise. I would like to be a grunting weight lifter, but no. Sun is good. Very mild days, cool nights here. Summer is a-coming, so this weather is wondeful.