sk8rvirgo

All-

I've always felt that part of recovery is giving back in anyway possible...something I've always kept close to me, literally on my wall above my head, is something I wrote while going through treatment. It wasn't an assignment, I just felt inspired by the rooms of NA and sat down with a Pen and Paper one night...I've never shared it with anyone other than my sponsor (I'm shy), however I feel this is a good place!

No More Locked Doors

Everyday we pass through doors
Whether they're open or locked, the decision is yours
When you choose to slip up, that decision is gone
How long they're locked depends on what you've done.

Now you sit, staring, at the locked doors all around
The thoughts in your mind beating you soul to the ground
That time has now come to put change in your ways
Stop living your life in some substance-induced haze.

The time will soon come to unlock the door
From then on set your goals to always want more
If it's the negative road and wrong choices you make
Someday, real soon, your life, those drugs WILL take.

So when you hold in your hand the key to your door
Don't be that guy face down on the floor
For EVERYONE has the potential to be great
Just like the doors, you hold the key to your fate.

MN

2/25/2005

I had an experience where, while I was locked up, my father sent me two pictures, one was from a party and I was dressed real nice, could have been going to a job interview for all anyone knew, and I was face down on the floor passed out. The other picture was with me and my best friend...my black lab who has unconditional love for me!! I was playing catch with her, clean, with a smile on my face.

The pictures were placed on 1 sheet of paper and printed off the computer. My father is a man of few words and on this letter he said only one thing; "Son, soon you will have the chance to choose one or the other; which will it be?"

I never forgot that letter in fact it stuck with me everyday. Eventually that letter, along with clean-time in recovery, I felt inspired so write. I hope there is someone that can use this in some way.

The pictures were put on a

whiskerkissed

It looks like you had something more to say at the bottom...but I gotta say WOW. I want to thank you for sharing both of those very personal things. The poem - and your dads letter of few words. Pictures can say so much more. You're very lucky to have a dad whose behind you with that kind of love.

Thank you - very inspiring!

FreeinMilwaukee

Very inspiring! I printed your poem and am putting it on my bulletin board. I've locked alot of doors in my life and I don't want to lock anymore.

sk8rvirgo

whiskerkissed....I tend to ramble. Even when I go to say something short and sweet, it turns into a novel. You are so right in saying pictures say so much more. And I have parents who have both been through hell with me but have never closed their door to me....God bless them for that! Thank you for your kind words.

sk8rvirgo

Thank you for your words as well! I must say, it really feels good to know that I am not the only one who will be able to have a reminder everyday of what opportunities there are in life that can be shut down totally from substance abuse. I too have locked a lot of doors along the way and work hard each day to keep that goal of not locking more.

Again, thank you; it means a lot to me and God bless!

sct

I like the poem very much. Writing is an excellent way to express- just about anything in recovery. It's a great tool for learning to process emotion without using- keep it up!

Tryin2Recover

thanks man i been having a bad day and i slept instead of going to a meeting which was a bad idea. But hearing that (more your story about the pics than anything) is exactly what I needed to hear tonight to carry me through to tomorrow. Thanks.

sk8rvirgo

Tryin2Recover- You know, recovery is an amazing thing. I just started Suboxone treatment today, in fact I am still waiting to take my first dose so that I don't have precipitated w/d's.

The reason I say recovery is amazing is because I just finished telling my family that I was starting this treatment, with all hopes that they would understand that I had not done anything wrong but that I was trying to do something better for myself. The response from them was more of disappointment that I had taken Px meds again. (I had a history with them)

In all reality, I am a 26 year old with the back of a 60 year old and that is hard for some people to understand. My parents witnessed me self-destruct while doctor shopping, abusing meds, and falling asleep at the dinner table. I understand the concern however they failed to note that I am being Pro-active in getting off the meds and was being upfront, keeping no secrets, and I still was looked down on by them.

So, long story short, coming to the board and reading that the story I have to share with others helped someone through one day...has helped me though one more day. And we all know, it's always "One Day at a Time" right?

Thanx for the positive words

Matt

Tryin2Recover

hey sk8 good luck with your subs treatment I hope it works out great for you. Just remember its hard for the people we hurt in our addiction to trust us again, even once we are on the right path. Just keep on that right path and eventually they will see from your actions that you are trying to change! Keep in touch.

sk8rvirgo

Tryin2Recover-

I completely agree with what you are saying about the Trust issue and my family. It was hard to come clean about getting clean since I had promised them I wouldn't go back to pain meds after my last bout with them. I'm not sure how they are feeling/thinking right now but I do know that I have lost their trust and that I must accept, as hard as it is.

In recovery I've been very open with everyone around me about what I'm dealing with and how I am dealing with it. I felt guilty not telling them that I had slipped for 2 years and broke that promise. That being said I wanted them to see that instead of getting arrested or in any sort of trouble, I was choosing to detox and begin recovery on my own, without even their pressure. I'm not sure they see it that way just yet but I pray that they will eventually....it's all I can do.

sk8rvirgo

I wanted to bump this...something inside told me to so here it is....

sk8rvirgo

This post may be a year old but something inside me says that tonight it needs to be visible to someone....I hope that someone can take something from it; I know I do on a daily basis...

sk8r

change4penny

Sk8
It needed to be visible to me. You know, when you talked about the pictures...that really effected me. I don't even remember a time when I was in a picture that I was not high. I've been 9 months clean, but here lately, I've struggled more than ever and I don't know why. My identity for so long was 'the party girl'...the drug addcit...I don't know who I am now, I just know that I have to make a new life for myself, even after 9 months, I don't know who I am or where I'm going. I'm scared. Before getting clean, I had just accepted the fact that I was an addict and that I'd probably die an addict.
Yes, I'm clean now, but I don't know where I'm going with this.
I just know that I need to start a new photo album. With pictures of me and how I am now. Like taking pictures of a newborn, with a new life. It just feels overwhelming to me. I have to take it slow...One day at a time.
Thanks for this post,

Penny

sk8rvirgo

Penny-

I am full of gratitude for the fact that, whatever it was that prompted me to bump a year old post last night, helped you out in some way. I know that I myself have been struggling a lot lately. I recently moved back home after living in another state for nine months, losing a job I had for 3 years, and also losing a girlfriend to relapse. All of these reasons are why I chose to come back to this board and spend time reading the stories of others in an effort to bring my own spirits up.

Nine months is a good amount of time on the road to recovery and I congradulate you on every day, every minute of it, as I know how hard it can be. If you ever need someone to vent to or just share your thoughts for the day with, feel free to PM me on here...My thoughts are you can never have enough friends or support in recovery.

God Bless and Thank You,

Matt