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Trying To Get Off Cocaine

Old 07-07-2007, 01:12 AM
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Trying To Get Off Cocaine

Hello everyone, Im a new member, I found this website off google while reading up on addicition and methods of quiting cocaine.

I've been doing cocaine for a little under a year now. I used to just smoke weed, then it moved into me trying extacy and shrooms, but I never got addicted to either. Then one day on my walk home from school in October 06, I was talking to a friend that Ive known since I was 5 years old, and he told me he did cocaine, and offered to "buck" me on my first time. I said yes, and really liked it. I tried it a few more times, and no one else in my school did coke, so my close friends that knew and saw me do it started cracking jokes calling me a cokehead, and I didnt like it. I made a bet with them that if I ever did it again, they could all punch me in the face.

Then I started doing it with the same friend maybe once a week, but I didnt tell anyone, and neither did he. As time went on, I saw more and more people try it, but I never told anyone I was still doing it. I kept smoking weed (I still smoke weed on a daily basis), but I started doing coke more and more often. Eventually I just told my friends because I saw they had all tried it, and I started doing it with some of them as well (they didn't punch me in the face lol).

I started doing coke even during school in the bathroom off of cd cases, binders, text books, but it was always with the same friend. We were grabbing on average 3-4 times a day by December. Then there were days where we would both skip school and just snort all day. I even went to orthodontist appointments with him, went to the washrooms and bucked rails before I saw my orthondontist. I loved it, and it scared me (it still does). I even snorted a line before I went to an exam, hadnt studied for it, and got the highest mark in the class on it, which made me think, if anything, it was helping me in school instead of bringing me down.

Then I told the wrong person that I was doing coke (only my close friends new) and before I knew it, everyone was asking me if I really did it, like it was insane. Eventually, people got over it, and I ended up snorting with a lot of people I knew. They saw that I didn't do the little lines they had done their first few times (I used to, and still like to do really big lines) and I ended up with the nickname Hollywood (Hollywood= really huge line). Everytime I broke my friends lines, they would tell me to take some out of theirs, because they wouldn't be able to handle it, and I actually liked the fact that I could snort so much without a problem.

This continued for a long time, but a friend I met during second semester would always tell me she hated that I did it, and asked me to stop for her. I started lieing, saying I wasnt doing it, but it was obvious I still was (red, flaired up, runny nose), and every night I that I went to sleep on it, I would tell myself, "What's wrong with you man? Your ruining yourself, your hurting your friends, and if your family ever found out, it would be the end." I think I was going a little schizo. But I would wake up the next day, and act like that conversation never happened, and snort without hesitation.

As more and more friends told me not to snort anymore, and the friend I met told me she really wanted me to stop, I resolved to quit. But the friend I started (and kept) snorting with would come to my house everyday, and keep asking if I wanted to pitch with him until I gave in. A lot of times he already came with coke, and I snorted free of charge. I still ended up spending well over a thousand dollars from December to March though, and I only worked part time (I wasted all the money I had saved in my account).

Then I really did quit for a bit. Around the end of April 07, I stopped, and he dropped out and started working full time. He would call and ask if he could come over so we could snort, and I would always say "No man, I quit." I went from seeing him everyday, to not even getting a call from him for about 4 weeks. Then one day when I came home, he was outside my door with a smile. We went inside, he broke 2 lines even though I kept telling him I didnt want one, and I ended up snorting it. In the next 3 weeks, I did it 2 more times with other friends. Then I started hearing more and more from that same friend I started with, and I saw I was doing it a lot again.

I snorted cocaine earlier today (not enough to even get me high though, which makes me feels really stupid, if I hadnt done it, I wouldve had the same effects, with no guilt). I did it Wednesday and Sunday of this week as well. I really want to quit again. Not just coke though, all drugs. I want to keep it alcohol and cigarettes only. People tell me I should stop hanging around with the friend I started with completley, but I feel like I cant abandon someone Ive known for this long.

Any advice anyone has on quiting would be highly appreciated, I know I'm addicted, and I feel like Im hurting people around me. I know my family would be devistated to find out I did this kind of stuff, and I want to be sober. I know itsgoing to be one of the hardest things Ill ever have to do, but if I dont, it could be the last thing I ever do, and I dont want to die with a rolled up bank note in my nostril.

Thanks to all who read this, I know its long. Just makes me feel better letting it out.
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Old 07-07-2007, 02:22 AM
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Hey, Hollywoood.....Your choices the way I see it are to abandon your friend (for now) or abandon yourself. Don't fool yourself into thinking that this is about your friendship or better grades. You're playing a dangerous mind game and you're smart enough to realize it or you wouldn't be posting. Families initially become devastated but they can also be a tremendous support. You need some help now to do this.
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Old 07-07-2007, 06:55 PM
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You Know Hollywoood your heading down a very dark road ,and it's only going to get darker and more tragic.
You don't want to end up on the streets , do you ? Or maybe in prison?
Your dealer aint your friend- they could care a less if your sleeping in an alley with rats running around your face or if your dead.
Get yourself to a NA metting ...... Save your a*s while you still can!

Be pro-active .......take care... ....................Joe
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Old 07-07-2007, 07:11 PM
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hollywood I was just like u with oxys not coke, well coke for a couple of wks, but anyways, I have wasted thousands and thousands on my pill drug habit. I first wanted to say, it isn't about when u did it or what u did. It is very important for you to not be in denial and realize your an addict! Next you NEED to go to a meeting. I went to my first meeting last tues, and it was awesome! I would tell ppl before that that this was happening and that, and every time they would tell, alycia go to a meeting. I mean for yrs they would say that to me. And I thought, well I can quit and I am not an addict, they are!! And I was told that NA meetings were for the drug dealers to get you and the guys to hit on you, (I was told that by a pain addict specialist) When I would bring up to someone that I wanted to go to a meeting, they would say, you don't need that, and basically ur a dork to go there. WEll, all that isn't true! These ppl are awesome, and I love it. I don't have any friends right now cuz they were all drug friends but now I realize I can make new relationships with ppl that understand me. So I am going to say what every other person will say to you, go to a meeting, find one, there free. I heard that it is hard to get into a rehab center and it is just like 90 meetings in 90 days, so start there. Learn and start new. It will work if you want it to. Just give it one hour, and you'll come out of there very impowered and feel great! Please take this advice before you lose everything, ur job, shelter, your family, and everything and ur in jail and going to prision for a couple of years. (cuz they put you away for along time on drugs for some reason unless your town has a drug court) But anyways, keep posting and tell us how ur doing, k. Thanks for listening! Take CAre, Alycia
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Old 07-08-2007, 12:09 AM
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Hey There,
You won't like my suggestion but here goes.
Tell your parents. They will find out anyway. Remember I said this.
You would be surprised how helpful they can be.
Seems like the only way I see you ever stopping.
Good Luck
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Old 07-08-2007, 09:57 AM
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hollywood, you haven't been on in a couple of days, I hope you have a computer, I am alitte worried, I hope your okay!
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Old 07-09-2007, 05:35 AM
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Do you like your nose at all? Because it's not going to stay pretty for very long.

I have battled with cocaine for quite awhile and started out much like you. First only on weekends, then once or twice during the week, then every single day in small quantities, then every single day in LARGE quantities.

I was in my third year of university, almost completed my degree and then as my cocaine usage increased this is where I ended up.

I spent over 20 thousand dollars. When I ran out of my own money I started stealing from family and friends. I lost everyone I loved. Everyone that meant anything to me I pushed away for cocaine. Rather then spending time with my friends and going to party's at school I was on the streets and on my knees for more coke.

Did I ever think I would end up that way? Hell no. If you ever asked me a year ago if I even imagined I would be where I ended up I would have laughed at you. Now if I laugh too hard it hurts because I have a hole so big in my nose I put my finger through it

Go to detox, get into rehab. Doing this alone is next to impossible. Best of luck, and if you ever want to PM me feel free.
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Old 07-09-2007, 06:12 AM
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You are young still, so it might be hard for you to see this:

This continued for a long time, but a friend I met during second semester would always tell me she hated that I did it, and asked me to stop for her.

This is a friend. You need to spend time with her. She will lead you in the right direction and that's what friends do.


He would call and ask if he could come over so we could snort, and I would always say "No man, I quit." I went from seeing him everyday, to not even getting a call from him for about 4 weeks. Then one day when I came home, he was outside my door with a smile. We went inside, he broke 2 lines even though I kept telling him I didnt want one, and I ended up snorting it.

This person is not your friend. He might have been your friend, and he might be in the future, but he is not your friend now, and he will never be your friend as long as he is using.


Who you choose to call your friend at this point in your life is very important. Please think about what I said.
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Old 07-09-2007, 11:17 AM
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There's a place on Hollywood and Labrea called The Hollywood Recovery Center, it's just East of LaBrea on the S. side of the Street, you might want to check them out. I've never been there, but I'm sure they could help or direct you to some help.

Good for you for wanting to get help!

Welcome to SR!
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Old 07-09-2007, 12:47 PM
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Hollywood, I am kind of nervous cuz you still haven't been on here! About what CHango said to you in this theard

Who you choose to call your friend at this point in your life is very important. Please think about what I said.


I agree loads with that. I had to cut all the ppl that were in my life that asked me to do drugs with them or used me, or stole money from me. I ended up with NO ONE!! So then I found NA classes and there is many many healty ppl willing to make a healthy supportive relationship with you. So please try it and please please keep posting!
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Old 07-10-2007, 11:33 AM
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sorry guys i haven't been on for a few days, but I've been clean for the most part (i hit two little rails yesterday, then i stopped myself). I aprreciate everyones help, advice, and storys on their own experiences, but I really can't go to rehab, if my family found out I even touched cocaine, I would be disowned in a second, Im gonna slowly try to get back to normal, I know it'll be hard, and I might snort a few more times, but Im gonna try
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Old 07-10-2007, 11:57 AM
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and I might snort a few more times, but Im gonna try

Bad idea and I think you know better than that. Honey, we're addicts. We know that talk like we know the sun will rise and set. Go to meetings if you won't go to rehab. Call NA. Be honest with yourself. I hope to see you here often!
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Old 07-10-2007, 12:38 PM
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Your family would be far more upset if they found you dead in your room from a heart attack
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Old 07-10-2007, 01:51 PM
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I was hopeing you would read what I posted. I took the time to post it, and would like u to read it. (sorry I am kind of cranky today ) But I posted about meetings to, and my experience. My ma too said she would disown me if I was doing kids. And also she said that she would take my boys away and put them in foster care! (any other mom would of taken them I think) WEll, I finally got clean and got onto the methadone prog. And she knew something was up, cuz I had no money and I was always driving, cuz my prog, is an 1 hr away! But I wrote her a long email, and gave her many links explaining what methadone is, and she is now standing with me! My sister whos a nurse, asked my ma, "why in hell is she still using drugs!!!!" MY ma explained about methadone, and my sis said "Is that what Alycia told you cuz ma, don't believe anything from her, she never asks for help or doesn't tell us when she is going thru bad times so don't believe her!" and my ma told her that "No, she gave me links and I read it all, and this is the safest thing for her and she is finally doing good!" See sometimes things do work out, but like Tanya said, ur family wouldn't like it if you were dead!
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Old 07-10-2007, 04:37 PM
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There are a lot of CA meetings in and around Hollywood.
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Old 07-11-2007, 12:42 PM
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To go into thinking about quitting but just using a couple more times ~ I do not even know what to say about that. I am completely floored by that response. When I thought about quitting, I thought about never using again, ended up using again, but always went into it with the thought of NOT!! To go into it with the thought of using again ~ what are you setting yourself up for??

I started out just like you. Sometimes a 1/2 gram would last me a couple days. (By the time I stopped, there were some nights that I did 1/2 gram in one line.) Never did it alone. Always was able to pay the bills. Then, I lost control (figured out later that I did not have control after the first line), could not pay the bills, so I started dealing. Never made a profit, snorted it, but that was the point. I was able to pay the bills AND have my stuff. Then, I was "being watched", so I had to lay low for awhile. Stopped for a little while. Went back to using, but not dealing. Ended up spending a couple thousand a month. Did not pay rent for 6 months, had no phone, no food, etc. I even ended up losing my job (which I stole from). The rule of never doing it alone went right out the window too. I preferred it that way, more to myself. I was nothing but a walking lie. I remember everything I said was a lie. I lied to my friends about not using anymore, (like they could not tell), I lied to my employer & co-workers about why I could not come in, I lied about why I could not go to my sister's baby shower. And oh yeah, I left my parents sitting there waiting for me to take them out to dinner on Easter on year without even a phone call. I could go on & on.

The facts about it is: COCAINE IS THE LIE!!!! It is the most evil drug I ever did. It made me into a person that was against everything I really was. I was so different on it. I look back on it now & cannot believe some of the things I did & said.

The thing that I had to finally admit to myself before I was able to quit was that I COULD NOT CONTROL IT. Every time I would try to stop using, I would always go back to it thinking that this time it would be different. It never was. Every time always ended up the same. Never knowing when to stop. Always letting people down. Always not keeping the commitments I made. I would always tell myself that I would be able to control it next time. BULL ~ it never changed. Until I came to that realization that it was in control and making me a person that I did not like, was I able to quit. I pray that you come to that realization before it is too late. I pray that you take some of the advise from others on this thread & get to some meetings or at least start hanging out with the friend that wants you to quit & stop hanging out with the person you are using with. They are right. Nobody cares that you are trying to quit. All they care about is having someone to use with, making money or scoring themselves. All of my "friends" that used still would come up to me & ask me to get it for them or if we were at a party would do it right in front of me, even offer it to me. That is not a true friend. We are supposed to love and help our friends. The true meaning of unconditional love is to do what is in the best interest of others. Offering lines is NOT in the best interest of ANYONE.

I am sorry this is so long, but I remember everything I went through like it was yesterday and it has been 6 years in May since I did my last line. My heart goes out to you.
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Old 07-11-2007, 01:19 PM
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oh man, what a teenager case!!, when i was his age, i didnīt listen to anyone, i knew i was doing wrong, i clould take huge lines and all the drugs together, just like you Hollywood!!, at your age i could handle anything....not anymore!!!!.
ONLY ONE HITS BOTTOM PERSONALLY, INDIVIDUALLY!! WE CAN WRITE HERE ALL DAY AND TELL "MR HOLLY" how bad coke is, how it affected us, wish him well, and he wonīt listen untill he ODīs, or feels the RAVAGES OF PROLOGNGED ABUSE, some day Holly, youīll feel like a living dead man if ya keep doing coca!!!, Oh how glamurous coke is!!! BEING PARANOID STUCK IN A ROOM, WATCHING YOUR UGLY "FRIENDS" JUNKIE FACES!!! OH HOW GREAT IS HEARING ALL YOUR "FRIENDS" CRAP AND LIES WHEN "FEELING HIGH", OH THE RUNNY NOSE!!! HOW "COOL" IS JUST BEING DRUGGED UP, LOOKING LIKE A MESS!!!, A DEAD TOXIC SUBSTANCE CONTROLS YOUR WILL, HOW COOL AND AWESOME THAT IS HUH???, IS THAT GONNA HELP YOU GET A LIFE??? HELL NO!!!!!!!!

IīM DONE, HOPE YOU LISTEN.
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Old 07-15-2007, 08:56 AM
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pakuni boy, I dont need ur sarcastic ******** advice, I know exactly what I'm doing to myself (or was, I've been clean since I made this post ). Thank you to everyone else who posted though, I read them all, and appreciate all the advice, but this is something I'm gonna have to do alone. I know I can, and my friend is trying to quit with me (he's been clean for 2 days, which is BIG for him). I want to do it without anything to ease me off it, or any rehab stuff, but he's going to Cocaine Anonomys meetings, becuase he doesn't think he can do it the way I'm tryin. I've already told all the friends I use to do it with not to let me, no matter how much I ask, and told all my dealers to cut me off. I'll post in this thread once a week to let you all know how I'm doing, thanks for all the help .
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Old 07-15-2007, 09:06 AM
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And I know I'm addicted, but I've never stole money, sold my things, or done any other stupid or "crackhead movements" for coke. I used my own money everytime, or friends would let me hit for free (I never did it alone, it was always a social thing). I think I can do it, all my friends think I can do it, and have no problem with me getting off it (a lot of my friends want to get off it as well now that I've mentioned I'm quiting to them). I know I have enough will-power to stay off it, and I'll never hit alone (I've had large amounts in my closet before, and it's stayed in their untouched for days because none of my friends that hit were around, and I would feel like a "head" if I did it alone, which I never wanna be). There were a few days this week that I had a really hard time falling asleep though, and I woke up with my hand clenched on my pillow this morning, but I'll get through it.

And I made a mistake in my last post, I've been smoking weed again, just to mellow me out whenever I think about snorting (been drinking too, but I did both these things before I started coke). I'd rather drink and smoke, than hit anyday.

Just one more little thing I wanted to mention: no drug ever affected my school work. I graduated in the 4 years, and on one exam, I snorted right before I went in to write it, I hadn't studied at all for it, and I ended up with the highest mark on the exam :P go figure.
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Old 07-15-2007, 09:27 AM
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Hollywood, Trust me I never thought I would pull "crackhead" moves and sell **** either. I come from a very rich family, I lived in a nice house, I always made good grades. I think your deluding yourself if you think you can do this alone. Unfortunately willpower is not the answer. I have tons of it and plenty of others here do as well. Addiction is a very tricky disease. But...if you do it on your own kudos to you. If you don't succeed i'd strongly recommend a rehab, even outpatient.
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