Lara

Do you think there are degrees of addiction?? For example, H was in rehab over a year ago for cocaine addiction. 'Clean' for almost a year. Then relapsed about 4 months ago - he says only a few times using cocaine again - but now smoking hash daily. He arrived at my house last week (first real contact in 4 months - since he screamed at me to 'get the hell out of his life") . He did/said all the things I was warned about on SR. Declared his undying love; Promised he would never hurt my like that again; Said he screamed at me as he was trying to push me away as didn't want to hurt me; felt such shame; blah blah blah
The frightening thing is if it weren't for SR - I would have listened, and probably reasoned with myself that 'well as long as he is not using cocaine then it's okay' (Dear God where was my mind)....
But the question is - 'even though' he claims he is not using cocaine and 'only' smoking some hash' - is the nature of his addiction stil the same - would it be at that same dangerous, destructive level, it was when he went into rehab for cocaine???
He was in therapy (intensive) for 4 months - is it at all possible that he has not comletely 'relapsed' in the sense of his thinking and daily routine?
Or is he as sick as he was on cocaine? But just without the aggressive more 'obvious' signs of addiction when on cocaine??

Lionhearted1

I think that addiction is all the same iam alcoholic but I know that if I start doing anything else that alters my state of mind I will eventfully get hooked it's my character. Obviously the drug of choice relates to behaviours for instance if I was hooked on cholocate cakes that's still self destructive but less destructive to my family than say alcohol or heroin. My point is that in order to be recovered we must be totally sober from any forms of mind altering substances! No levels of addictions one hole that we are all slipping down some are closer to the bottom than others, but it all heads to the same place... Hell.

Ann

Addiction is a progressive disease, it gets worse over time. Most active addicts I know who "cut back" to pot or beer or whatever their cut back drug was, were either lying or just putting in time until they were right back into their own drug of choice.

It doesn't get better until they stop. And they don't stop until they have tried everything possible to keep using, hoping nobody will notice...some die trying.

There are no "good drugs" or better than other drugs. They are all bad, they all take addiction to a dark and scary place, and they all lead to jails, institutions or death.

Hugs

dollydo

He is not clean, he is not in recovery. My ex could give up crack for several months, while smoking pot and drinking tons of beer, each time it just led him back to crack. Your ex's behavior is very consistant with drug addiction.

You are doing great, keep moving forward!

laurie6781

He is using. He is a drug addict. Does not matter what mind altering
chemical it is he is NOT clean and sober. He Is Using!!!!

The only improvement for addiction is abstinence. He is not abstinent!

You are doing great, keep moving forward!!!!!

Love and hugs,

Sunshine2

It took me years of smoking cigarettes before I was fully addicted, but once addicted, even when I gave up I went right back to the same level of addiction I was at when I stopped. This was even the case when I gave up for 5 years. I believe other addictions work in the same way. Once you go down that slippery slope there is no stopping it.

outtolunch

Alcohol and pot tend to be gateway drugs for addicts. It's usually only a matter of time.

Kindeyes

I believe that there are "stages" of addiction very much like there are stages of cancer. Initially, it may not be noticed or simply referred to as someone who "likes to have fun". It progresses to having a few relationship problems or some issues with school or work. It continues to progress until it takes over an individual's life and becomes the focus of their existance. At least, this is what I have witnessed with my son's addiction.

It's progressive. You can't be considered in remission from cancer if you still have it "a little bit". Addiction is all or nothing. Either a person is using or they aren't.....they can't be "sort of using"........not when addiction is involved. In fact, most addicts, in their attempt to control that which they cannot control, go through a phase (one or many times) of trying to cut back or change the drug of choice to something they consider more acceptable (beer, pot, hash, etc.). These are the lies they tell themselves (and us) that keeps them (and us) in the cycle of addiction (and codependency).

But because it is progressive, they can't move backwards.....only forward in their addiction......or they can arrest it through abstinence (and hopefully recovery) to keep it from progressing.

Addiction is ugly. Addiction is tricky. Addiction causes addicts to lie to other people......but the worst lies are the lies they tell themselves.

gentle hugs
ke

Lara

Needed to read that!!!!! Thanks Cynical One

Lara

Thank you KE!!

FindingErica

Didn't he put two people in the ICU driving under the influence not that long ago, and didnt he use his financial resources to not only squirm out of responsibility but also run out and purchase another big vehicle? Was that during the same time period as his intensive therapy?

Still doing hash with occassional cocaine. Nothing has changed. My sister is the worst addict I know, with 20 years under her belt. She goes through clean periods, using but maintaining and really bad phases where she is homeless and going to jail every week. I used to have hope she was better. But she always proves me wrong in the most disappointing and sometimes frightening ways. There are no degrees, there is addiction and recovery. They are either in one or the other.

LoveMeNow

IMO, there are 3 stages of addiction. Using, craving or recovery!

Lara

Hi FindingErica - I appreciate your comments...
H became addicted to cocaine in 2007. Went into rehab under intensive therapy for 4/5 months from April2011 - August2011.
Seemed to be doing brilliantly... clean, actively practising his steps of recovery....
Then mid June this year he began to behave oddly. Then screamed at me to 'get the hell out of his life'....
Then a few weeks ago had the horrific crash. I presume alcohol mixed with cocaine... The reason I presume coke too - is H never drives whilst drunk. Always has a driver. But it is when he uses cocaine that he becomes arrogant and ruthless and would still drive whilst drunk! 3 People were critically injured. Thank God all survived! Yes, he paid them all out. But in Africa this is the nature of the beast. Each family received $50,000 (more money then they would earn in 10 years) - and H replaced the taxi with a new vehicle. Not in H's defense at all - but he also paid for all medical bills and helicopter medi evac for the driver of the taxi who had multiple head injuries.... Thank God all have fully recovered.
I spoke to H for the first time last week - as I was travelling to the island where he lives and I have my business. He seems geniunely sorry. But who knows... it doesn't seem to made him seek recovery....

FindingErica

Lara im glad he at least took financial responsibility for the people who were injured and that they survived. Addiction is an odd beast that thankfully i dont fully understand.

I think there are different degrees to how bad an addict is while on their DOC. For instance my AH was functioning for the most part, able to work and meet his needs. My sister is not able to work nor is she able to meet her badic needs on a consistent basis. Neither are palatable to me anymore. Because my husband was functioning it was able to make excuses or not think he had a problem or not see the problem.

oneday66

this reminds me of myself a year ago...i thought i knew how long he had been using hard drugs...how much treatment he had... i was also trying to understand his "level" of addiction....I thought the behavior I saw was because he was smoking too much pot (it was crack).. When I found out it was crack I thought it had been going on for 8 months (it turned out to be 8 years)... when I found out he had gone to rehab before.... i thought he had been clean after for 5 years (wrong... only 1 year while in rehab andsober living) Addicts lie period. and at the end of the day...if they are drinking....you can bet they are using their drug of choice period...or damn close. A LOT of addicts have told me this. For me how much he uses, when, why, what... none of it matters. I dont listen..... If he's in recovery... I wont have to ask....
My husband made six figures, wore suits to work, and drive a fancy car while using drugs. he still uses drugs but doesnt have the other things or a wife.... i guess my point is i hope you start focusing on you.... unless he makes DRASTIC changes... he will end up like the rest

Lara

I think that is just it - "I thought I knew". What I find so disturbing, is every now and again, I lull myself into a false sense of security... wanting to believe the best. But then reading on SR - listening to all of you who truly know, who have been down this road - that the truth is that..... I DON"T have a clue!!!!! And that is frightening and sad - I am walking - but not as fast as I would like..... just need more time.... more time for what??? God knows! The writing is on the wall - but I choose somedays not to read it.....For what purpose? To prolong the agony?? Who chooses agony?? I know if I walk away now, truly walk away now... that a bright future is waiting - and that future will be closer then if I stay - that I can begin the grieving process now - and time will begin to heal.
God knows, I lost my gorgeous brother in a car crash. It has been 8 long years.... and I have survived! So why can't I walk away from H???? Yes, I am detaching, working on myself... I don't allow him to dictate my thoughts, my plans... but look at me now - writing to SR - because of him. He is still on my mind.....

Lara

[QUOTE=FindingErica;3614850 Neither are palatable to me anymore. Because my husband was functioning it was able to make excuses or not think he had a problem or not see the problem.[/QUOTE]

Thank you FindingErica. I feel the same - yet I don't seem to have your strength yet!