Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Friends and Family > Friends and Family of Alcoholics
Forgot Password? Join Us!
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read Chat Room [8]


Welcome to the Sober Recovery Community

Already registered? Login above ---^
OR
To take advantage of all Posting, Chatting, Gaming, and all the features available at SoberRecovery, join the over 100,000 current members, and become a member of our supportive community today! Ads will no longer appear on the forums, once you register.



Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-07-2009, 07:45 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 4
My boyfriend is an alcoholic.

I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years now. We are two peas in a pod- we have all the same interests and get along really well. We have spoken of plans of marriage and having children. All in all, we are in a serious relationship.

About a year ago, he was drinking just about every single night. This became a problem. One night I talked to him about it for hours, and it really seemed to get to him. After that, he stopped drinking so often. It then turned into him only drinking once a week on weekends. For our ages, this seemed acceptable to me, so I would drink with him. We would drink together at parties or at a restaurant or at his house while we watched a football game.

Soon, I realized the alcoholism never went away. We went through a bit of turmoil in our relationship. Sober, we talked about our issues and handled them well. Then his anger started coming out in his drinking. He wouldn't drink too often, but when he did drink, he would over-do it big time. He would drink to the point where he was so drunk he couldn't walk straight. A few months ago, drinking led him into being in a terrible accident. The accident was a result purely of him being drunk; he's lost a part of his body from it and he has to live with it for the rest of his life.

He's been out of the hospital for awhile now and has recovered from the accident perfectly fine. He has handled the situation very well, considering the extremities of the accident.

We have been able to go out and about again for over a month now. We would go out together and get a few drinks here and there.

I ignored his problem. I pretended it didn't exist.

One night, we drank more than we normally would at a restaurant. We were there with a group of friends, and they were all drinking just as much, so it never really crossed my mind. I drank three beers, as opposed to one pint I would normally have on such an occasion. Now he has always been able to handle more alcohol than I could since he is a foot taller and 80 lbs larger than me. He wound up guzzling down at least 6 schooners of beer... so that's about what? 12-15 beers?

When we left the restaurant, we got into an argument. He wound up hitting me. For two years, he had never once laid a hand on me in a violent manner. Now he did. I was so devastated about the whole situation. We didn't talk for a few days after that, until he apologized to me. He was clearly very upset at himself and poured his heart out to me. I accepted his apology, and told him that his actions that night would never be tolerated again.

Well, he kept drinking. And each time he drank he turned more and more into a monster. He took all of his anger out on me. He would call me names, harass me, and emotionally abuse me. But then, the next day he either wouldn't remember or be so sorry.

The thing is, when he is sober he is everything to me. We're inseparable and so in love. When he drinks, he turns into a monster. A whole different person that I don't even know.

A few nights ago, I left him with a group of friends because his drinking was getting out of hand an hour into the night. Hours later into the night after calling me and harassing me hundreds of times, he threatened to come after me and kill me. I was so upset and honestly, I was scared because he was drunk and when he is drunk he is a monster. I didn't know what else to do but go to the police station and file a complaint against him.

The police officers easily convinced me into getting a temporary restraining order against him. The restraining order would become permanent tomorrow in court.

I did not realize the seriousness of a restraining order until the papers were already signed.

In reality, I know he would never ever kill me. I was just in such distress and the nature of his call left me in complete shock, I had no idea what else to do. I signed those papers in the heat of the moment and now I regret it more than anything.

The point is I am in love with my boyfriend. When he drinks, he isn't the man I know. He is a complete monster. I cannot keep this restraining order against him because I love him I know that he needs help. I know that it is an illness and not something he does intentionally to hurt me. I need to make him realize that he is an alcoholic and I need to find help for him that will actually help him. I would stay with him if he were to stop drinking, but I just need to know a way to help him. I know from personal experience with drug addiction that the only way for him to recover is to want to help himself.

If anyone has any advice, it would be more than appreciated! Him and I are both relatively young (early 20's), which makes it a little more difficult for him to face this issue.

I just need to help the man the I love, because I know deep down below this suffering, he loves me too. We have been through many ups and downs, but this one just seems like it's left at a standing point.

Thank you for your time.
orchid292927 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to orchid292927 For This Useful Post:
Jadmack25 (04-20-2010), jessiec (07-02-2012), TracieKing (12-02-2011), wicked (04-20-2010)
Old 01-07-2009, 07:52 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Taking5's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 4,617
Leave the TRO in place. This might be the boundry that he needs to get serious about recovery. You can always withdraw the TRO later if he is actually working a program and getting serious about not drinking.
__________________
It is easier to practice total abstinence than perfect moderation
_______________________________________
Any quotes from the big book of AA are from the first edition, or are otherwise exempt from copyright infringement under the "fair use doctrine".
Taking5 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Taking5 For This Useful Post:
Jadmack25 (04-20-2010), NYC_Chick (04-20-2010), wicked (04-20-2010)
Old 01-07-2009, 08:07 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
GiveLove's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,818
Blog Entries: 2
Orchid,

Welcome to SR. I'm glad you found us.

I'd encourage you to set aside some time and read some of the threads here. Learn about the different faces of alcoholism, how it can play out, how it progresses. Read especially the "Sticky" posts at the top of the forum, especially Classic Reading. Educate yourself about what you're up against.

Quote:
The thing is, when he is sober he is everything to me. We're inseparable and so in love. When he drinks, he turns into a monster. A whole different person that I don't even know.
This is a chorus echoed by many, many, many people in this forum. Unfortunately, he's not staying sober. He's making the choice to unleash this monster. And this monster can hurt you.

Let me ask you: Do you think it's normal for someone to threaten to kill their girlfriend? To hit them? To continue to drink heavily even when they've permanently altered their body with a drunken accident? If a good friend or a much-loved niece or sister came to you and told you this same story, what advice would you give them? Stay and risk it really happening?

I'm sure when he's sober he's swell. Most of them are. The problem is, you don't GET just Dr. Jekyll. At this point, until and unless he decides to remain permanently sober ---- NO more social drinking, ever, as in never ---- you will be signing up for Mr. Hyde as well.

Are you prepared for this? Is he?

Keep the restraining order in place and work on yourself. Find out why you are willing to tolerate so much...hitting....threats....irresponsibility....a ll the anxiety of being with an alcoholic. The book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie has proven to be an eye-opener for a lot of us on this forum, and you can often get it at the Library or on abebooks.com for cheap.

You can't make him stop drinking - you can only protect your current and future selves from this. Good luck!
__________________
"Tell me, what are you going to do with your one wild and precious life?" --Mary Oliver

"Action is the antidote to despair." --Joan Baez

"False hopes bind us to unlivable situations, and blind us to real possibilities." --Derrick Jensen
GiveLove is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to GiveLove For This Useful Post:
Jadmack25 (04-20-2010), kv816 (04-20-2010), Ladybug0130 (06-16-2011), stella27 (04-20-2010), wicked (04-20-2010), ZiggyB (07-25-2012)
Old 01-07-2009, 08:07 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
Quote:
Originally Posted by orchid292927 View Post
In reality, I know he would never ever kill me. I was just in such distress and the nature of his call left me in complete shock, I had no idea what else to do. I signed those papers in the heat of the moment and now I regret it more than anything.
Welcome Orchid! I'm pleased to "meet" you although the circumstances are not good. You have found a great place here full of people that have been in your position. More will be along soon.

In my situation, my x-husband of 18 years also was a binge drinker like your boyfriend. I wasn't as perceptive as you and didn't even know the term binge drinker until I was at the hospital after my X-AH had been in a horrible car accident and nearly severed a limb, which had to be amputated. He had bruised his heart and lungs and the doctors kept asking me how bad of an alcoholic he was because if he went in withdrawls it could kill him. That is when my denial of the situation broke and that was 10 years into the marriage. It took me another 7 years and several affairs from him and drinking in secret before I hit my bottom and sought help for ME! Unbelievably, I had become emotionally unwell in a big way....didn't even realize it until I started to act really nuts. I met my xah when I was in my young 20's and all the signs were right there. I pretended them away.

I think you have 2 very real realities going on in your life. The drunk and the undrunk. The drunk is unpredictable and you can not control him, you did not cause this, and you cannot cure it and this drunk could very well kill you. Sweety he has hit you, disrespected you, endangered you, and threatened your life while drunk. I would have filed the restraining order too, I would have felt horribly guilty back in my unwell days...now I would realize I would be taking care of me, and that is a perfectly rational and healthy thing to do.

Please keep posting as we are here for you.
Chrysalis123 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Chrysalis123 For This Useful Post:
Fathom (07-02-2012), Jadmack25 (04-20-2010), kv816 (04-20-2010), wicked (04-20-2010)
Old 01-07-2009, 08:15 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Barbara52's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,294
Quote:
Originally Posted by orchid292927 View Post
In reality, I know he would never ever kill me.
No, in reality, you do NOT know that. You believe it. It may even be true. But you do not know it for sure. His violence and abuse is excalating and you are indeed in a position of very real risk. Please do keep that TRO.

Quote:
Originally Posted by orchid292927 View Post
The point is I am in love with my boyfriend. When he drinks, he isn't the man I know. He is a complete monster. I cannot keep this restraining order against him because I love him I know that he needs help.
Personally, I would keep the TRO partly because I did love him if I were in your shoes. To remove the TRO is to remove the consequences of his choices. Perhaps if he has to deal with real world consequences he may have a personal epiphany about himself and his unacceptable behaviors and choices.


Quote:
Originally Posted by orchid292927 View Post
I need to make him realize that he is an alcoholic and I need to find help for him that will actually help him.
You aren't that powerful.

He is an adult responsible for his own choices and behaviors. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, you can't control it. Only he can choose to deal with his alcoholism. You cannot do it for him, especially if he doesn't recognize it or want to deal with it.
__________________
I trust you are capable of handling your own life and I now stop interfering by trying to rescue you.

There's only one corner of the universe you can be sure of improving, and that's your own self. - Aldous Huxley
Barbara52 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Barbara52 For This Useful Post:
Fathom (07-02-2012), Jadmack25 (04-20-2010), kv816 (04-20-2010), Ladybug0130 (06-16-2011)
Old 01-07-2009, 08:42 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 4
Thank you all so much for your advice. This is a really tough situation for me, but it makes me feel so much less horrible about it to know that I am not the only person who is going through/has gone through this situation.

I am really glad I found this forum today because since the last incident happened, I've been in such a bad state of depression. I haven't been able to be happy once, and honestly, I was doing bad things for myself.

I have been sober from cocaine, ecstasy, and oxycodone for almost two years now. Since my adolescence, I was battling with drug addiction. Since I have been clean from drugs, I have been drinking occasionally. I've never felt a need to drink, but I have realized now that it is just replacing one addiction with another. I can empathize with alcoholics because it really is so easy to become one. Drinking is legal, easy to obtain, most of the time inexpensive (compared to other habits), and in most cases- socially acceptable.

After I have seen what alcohol has done to my boyfriend, I do not want any part in drinking. I am lucky that I never became addicted myself.

Today I will go out and purchase the book Codependent No More that GiveLove recommended to me. You all have lifted my spirits and motivated me to stop moping and start doing things for myself.

I really appreciate all of your advice more than I could say.
Thank you.
orchid292927 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to orchid292927 For This Useful Post:
Jadmack25 (04-20-2010), PaperDolls (07-02-2012), startoveragain (04-13-2011), wicked (04-20-2010)
Old 01-07-2009, 08:50 AM   #7 (permalink)
Formerly known as soconfused11
 
sodetermined's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
I thought of my own relationship as I read your post, and I can only share what I have learned.

Quote:
The point is I am in love with my boyfriend. When he drinks, he isn't the man I know. He is a complete monster.
I love my boyfriend (well xbf currently) also, but I am more in love with the idea of him, of what he "can be", and not what he is. This is/has been very hard for me to accept, b/c I want so much to be with him, and for us to be like peas and carrots all the time. Couple my hope with his ability to manipulate me with his promises/pretty lies....I have been doing this for almost 4 years now.

Quote:
I need to make him realize that he is an alcoholic and I need to find help for him that will actually help him.
I still struggle with this also, I have tried everything to get him to realize he was an alcoholic and get him help. Everything from nagging, crying, begging, pleading, threatening, manipulating, getting my hair done, cleaning the house and cooking great meals (trying to be the perfect girlfriend), telling him all he has lost due to alcholism. I even bought him a truck so he would feel better about himself.

When I started getting into recovery, I started learning that I can't "make him" do anything, but that I could "not react" so much or try so hard to get him to see it, and then even though he is more likely to see what you want him to, there is no promise of it. But in the process of me starting to get recovery not just to keep my sanity (but in all honestly hoping this would cause him to "see it"), I have slowly started to get better. I have a long way to go, and I still want to hold onto hope of making him get it, but I'm gonna fake it until I make it.

Hang in there!
__________________
I will stand back up,
You'll know just the moment when I've have enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid, and I don't feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up.
sodetermined is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to sodetermined For This Useful Post:
Jadmack25 (04-20-2010), kv816 (04-20-2010), Ladybug0130 (06-16-2011), startoveragain (04-13-2011)
Old 04-19-2010, 08:18 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
LovelyComplex's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: PUE,MX
Posts: 2
Dear Orchid-

please, first of all I hope you are ok, and that you have already healed in these past few years. but be strong. You seem to be in a relationship that is co-dependant, which is something I understand very well. Please look into this term, see if you can identify your situation with it. Be safe, and protect yourself foremost.
LovelyComplex is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to LovelyComplex For This Useful Post:
Jadmack25 (04-20-2010)
Old 04-19-2010, 09:07 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
naive's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,060
dear orchid-

in my own experience, if they are physically violent when drunk, it will occur over and over again. i do understand the denial i was in regarding this.

when mine attacked me the first time, i couldn't quite believe it, even as it was happening. it was like a slow motion movie i was watching.

the next time it happened, it was the same. kinda surreal.

what i want to share with you is that it didn't stop. it kept occurring until he actually broke my shoulder by throwing me down a stairwell. it could have been worse if i wasn't sober myself and grabbed the railing. perhaps i could have broken my spine or had a head injury.

in my experience, these types of situations go from ok one minute to very dangerous the next. it's quick, unpredictable and seems to come out of nowhere. one minute everything is cool and the next minute it's not.

please consider leaving the restraining order in place. it is not ok for your boyfriend to attack you.

as for the threat to kill you, i would encourage you to take that seriously.

at a minimum, it would be in your best interest to get away from him if he is drinking heavily. you do not have to make a big deal of it, merely get away from him and leave him to his drinking and you leave his company.

a physically violant man who is drunk is unpredictable. you can not reason with a drunk. it would be good if you begin to take steps to keep yourself safe from harm.

as for his drinking and you helping him with that, this is impossible. best to give up 100% on that idea. he will stop when he himself decides that and no amount of love in the world will change that fact. alcoholics quit when they hit their bottom. obviously, he hasn't hit his bottom yet even though he has attacked you and injured himself. that is not enough yet.

another thing i wish to share with you is that just when you think it can not get any worse, it does. your alcoholic will take you to new levels of despair, pain, heartache if you permit him to.

it's your choice.

the situation you have described sounds very serious to me. i want to impress on you the seriousness and very real danger you are in.

can you get into counseling and/or attend alanon? it helped me "break the spell" by speaking to others and getting their input about what was happening.

naive
naive is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to naive For This Useful Post:
kv816 (04-20-2010), stella27 (04-20-2010)
Old 04-20-2010, 04:00 AM   #10 (permalink)
peaceful seabird
 
Pelican's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,823
friendly reminder

I just noticed that this is an older thread.

Orchid has not updated this post in over 12 months.
__________________
"How does one become a butterfly?" she asked pensively.
"You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."

Trina Paulus
Hope for the Flowers
Pelican is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 04-20-2010, 10:48 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
kittykitty's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
Blog Entries: 1
Welcome...

"The point is I am in love with my boyfriend. When he drinks, he isn't the man I know. He is a complete monster. I cannot keep this restraining order against him because I love him I know that he needs help. I know that it is an illness and not something he does intentionally to hurt me. I need to make him realize that he is an alcoholic and I need to find help for him that will actually help him. I would stay with him if he were to stop drinking, but I just need to know a way to help him. I know from personal experience with drug addiction that the only way for him to recover is to want to help himself."

You don't need to do anything but protect yourself. You don't need to do anything but value your life and your safety over his.

Bottom line is that he KNOWS that he turns into an abusive monster when he drinks, and he STILL chooses to drink. This is something that has been discussed in detail elsewhere...the addiction is not a choice, but the decision to feed the addiction is. He has chosen alcohol over you, knowing full well what he is capable when he drinks. Are you comfortable with that?

You say he would never actually kill you. When he's drunk, he's not HIM, he's someone else. You never know what that "someone else" will do, especially in a drunken rage, until it is too late.

Please take care of yourself. And let him take care of himself. There is nothing you can do to help him if he doesn't want to help himself.
kittykitty is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 04-20-2010, 10:51 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
kittykitty's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
Blog Entries: 1
just saw your post pelican, man i hope she is okay. I would hate to think that something happened to her.
kittykitty is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to kittykitty For This Useful Post:
Jadmack25 (04-21-2010)
Old 04-20-2010, 06:29 PM   #13 (permalink)
Only stepping forward
 
kv816's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
Funny how it came back to the top though. This post really hit me hard. I needed to hear a lot of what was said in response to Orchards post; despite how old it is. Just hit a rough patch today, had a few "aha" moments today and this just made those moments a little brighter.
__________________
When suffering becomes more difficult than changing, it's time to change.
There comes a point in your life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. It's not giving up. It's realizing you don't need certain people or the drama they bring.
kv816 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to kv816 For This Useful Post:
Jadmack25 (04-21-2010), wicked (04-20-2010)
Old 04-11-2011, 12:34 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2
letting him go

i think a few of you have hit it right on the nose. I am so happy to have found this website. I think if you are living with an alcoholic in a sense you have a recovery you must go through too. Although our situations are all slightly different we have a couple of commonalities: co-dependence and tolenrance for abuse of any sort.
About three days ago I finally worked up the nerve to leave my boyfriend of four years. I love him to pieces, but I realized I love the sober person and not the drunk person. I put up with physical, emotional, and verbal abuse For the past three years. I met him when he was sober: off weed, alcohol, and smoking. I loved that person. So by no means did I ask for this.
The night I left him I stayed with his unle and aunt...I am from out of town...and his uncle is just like him but of course older. We went to a bar to have a quick beer and just relax. His uncle excused himself and his girlfriend of 20+ years stayed and talked to me. She asked me the main problem. It was easy...drinking. She looked me in the eyes and said look at me I lived what you are living and I have seen what you may see if you stay with him. Do not live a life of regret because you wasted your time attempting to fix his. You will never fix it...he has to do it himself. Enter his uncle.
It finally clicked I looked at her, tears in her eyes, and saw myself fifteen years from then. I don't think it hit me until she said that. I realized I didn't want to leave him because I thought I could help him, I thought I could keep him from evil, but he needs to do it himself. I was afraid of losing him, his love, and his companionship. But I reflected and realied that was already gone, and it was up to me to stop being an ENABLER because by staying with him I was saying go ahead honey have another drink I'll still be here. I am only helping the problem if I left and fell of his radar. It's day three now that I haven't heard from him, it may last forever or he may figure it out. The point you are not helping him or yourself by staying with him....he needs to hit a low before he can reach a high.
nikki2525 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to nikki2525 For This Useful Post:
jessiec (07-02-2012), StarCat (04-11-2011), startoveragain (04-13-2011)
Old 04-11-2011, 01:07 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Taking5's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 4,617
Nikki,

Welcome to SR. This is a 28 month old thread, just thought you should know.
__________________
It is easier to practice total abstinence than perfect moderation
_______________________________________
Any quotes from the big book of AA are from the first edition, or are otherwise exempt from copyright infringement under the "fair use doctrine".
Taking5 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Taking5 For This Useful Post:
StarCat (04-11-2011)
Old 04-11-2011, 04:48 AM   #16 (permalink)
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 7,881
Hi, Nikki,

Why don't you start a new thread so we can all get to know you?

Welcome!
__________________
Lexie
~ one breath at a time
LexieCat is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to LexieCat For This Useful Post:
nikki2525 (04-12-2011), StarCat (04-11-2011), startoveragain (04-13-2011)
Old 04-13-2011, 10:00 PM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2
To Lexie!

Thanks! I have not clue how to make a new thread lol! a little help?
nikki2525 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to nikki2525 For This Useful Post:
wicked (04-14-2011)
Old 04-14-2011, 05:05 AM   #18 (permalink)
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 7,881
Click here, and at the top of the forum, to the left, you will see at the upper left a button that says "New Thread". Click that, and you're on your way!
__________________
Lexie
~ one breath at a time
LexieCat is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 06-16-2011, 11:10 AM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 5
It brings me some peace of mind to have found this website I don’t feel so alone on this. I have been dating my boyfriend for two years now and he is an alcoholic. I am so disappointed in myself my entire youth I promised myself I wouldn’t never date an alcoholic since my father was one. When I first started dating my boyfriend I didn’t know he was an alcoholic until five months into the relationship. I’m not going to lie I had a feeling after a couple of months but I ignored it because he is a great person when he doesn’t drink. When I confronted him he denied it. After five months we had a long talk and he cut down, which I thought for a long time. After one year of dating lots of things changed, emotionally I wasn’t the same anymore, I started developing anxiety .There has been times that he could be so mean verbally when he drinks and the next day he acts like nothing. When we go out by ourselves or with friends 80% of the time he gets really drunk to the point that I have to drive home or get a taxi. The next day he doesn’t remember anything. That’s one of the problems I can’t babysit him all the time. When he drinks hard liquor he doesn’t remember the next day, how can I trust someone like that. Everyone that knows him and I tell me that I am too good for him that he doesn’t treat me how I should be treated, and I know that but don’t know why I stay. I love him and I know he loves me to but that is not enough anymore. I have started counseling to deal with my issues, on why I stay, but I am still in the relationship. If anyone can give me advise on this please. Every night I go to sleep thinking on how much more time can i invest in him. It makes it really hard because I love him, I expect what should be right to me in a relationship but dont feel like its going to happen.

Last edited by RRTL; 06-16-2011 at 11:22 AM. Reason: adding
RRTL is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 06-16-2011, 11:19 AM   #20 (permalink)
Member
 
m1k3's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,714
RRTL,

Welcome to SR.

I am going to repeat what lexie said earlier. This is an old thread. Since you are new to here why don't you start a new thread and introduce yourself.

Quote:
Click http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/, and at the top of the forum, to the left, you will see at the upper left a button that says "New Thread". Click that, and you're on your way!
That will get a lot more attention from a lot more people.

Again, welcome.
__________________
Mike

Sanity is giving up the illusion of control.
Happiness is letting go of the past.
Serenity is just being me.

m1k3 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
alcoholic, boyfriend


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:29 PM.


 
National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Centers
 
Drug Rehab | Best Treatment Center | Detox Center | Residential Treatment Center
Cocaine/Crack Treatment | Alcohol Rehab | Heroin/Oxycontin Treatment Center | Crystal Meth Treatment | Marijuana Treatment | Methadone Treatment | Suboxone Treatment
 
Local Treatment Resources and Events
 
Alabama | Alaska | Arizona | Arkansas | California | Colorado | Connecticut | DC | Delaware
Florida | Georgia | Hawaii | Idaho | Illinois | Indiana | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine
Maryland | Massachusetts | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire
New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island
South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennesee | Texas | Utah | Vermont | Virginia | Washington | West Virginia | Wisconsin | Wyoming

© 2013 Internet Brands. | Privacy Policy
A proud member of the SoberRecovery® Network of Addiction and Recovery Websites