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Old 07-14-2007, 07:19 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Restraining order for verbal abuse?

I live in VA and I left my AH several months ago. He continues to be verbally abusive and constantly calls me, text messages and emails with threatening and belittling language (I keep it all on record). I am sick of it. My divorce atty won't do anything about it. I am afraid he is doing the same to our one year old son. He started making demeaning comments to him at one week old. Can I get a restraining order against him? Will verbal abuse keep him from getting any more visitation (he threatens to take it to court to get 50/50 custody)? Is there anything I can do??
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Old 07-14-2007, 07:30 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hello, welcome to SR!
I can't answer your question for sure, but if you have the text messages and calls on record, I think that you probably can get some kind of restraining order. It sounds to me like you can if he is threatening you.
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Old 07-14-2007, 07:35 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Yes you can, and he can also be charged with harrassment and intimidation.
Tape them if you can. Next call the prosecuter's office, they will have a victim's advocate who will help you. Also get in contact with the free DV counselor's. They have tons of info and can help you in many ways. Do not put up with this.
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Old 07-14-2007, 08:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I just went through this in NJ .. I had to go to the police dept and file for a temp restraining order . I had to speak to a judge over a taped line and explain the verbal abuse . All I had to tell him was that there was verbal abuse in the presence of our children and my ah was drunk and they granted me the order . Other things happened that I didnt even have to mention (kicking & throwing of things) . I was told by an officer friend that if you mention alcohol , abuse (physical or verbal) and ' in the presence of children ' in the same sentence you will almost never be denied an order . You are under oath (or at least I was) when you talk to the judge so be sure to be very honest . I have to go back to court on Thurs to go in front of the judge to make the order a permanent one . Ah will be there too . Im not looking forward to that but Im hoping for the best .

Lots of luck to you ! (())s
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Old 07-14-2007, 09:00 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by All for my son View Post
I live in VA and I left my AH several months ago. He continues to be verbally abusive and constantly calls me, text messages and emails with threatening and belittling language (I keep it all on record). I am sick of it. My divorce atty won't do anything about it. I am afraid he is doing the same to our one year old son. He started making demeaning comments to him at one week old. Can I get a restraining order against him? Will verbal abuse keep him from getting any more visitation (he threatens to take it to court to get 50/50 custody)? Is there anything I can do??

Someone else said it, make sure you haqve a recording of the conversations.

Your situation is family court, and restraining orders are easy to get that way. If your divorce attorney won't do it, then something's wrong. At the very least, he should be instructing you how to go about it. Is he a good attorney?

I had to go through this, but it wasn't family so it was much more difficult (Had a brain damaged (literally)) neighbor who is a serial stalker who started in with my wife and then me.
We had to go down and take out a complaint (same for family court, I think) and then set a date for trial and all that.

Just be aware when you do this, it will probably excalate to a whole new level. Be prepared. One thing you can do is get one of those little 20 minute video recorders at Duane Reade for $30 and use that if he approaches you. You might want to consider mace too. People go crazy when it gets legal, and take advantage of the slow and plodding way the courts work to try to use imtimidation to wear you down.

Don't let that happen! If you back down he'll assume you'll never be seroius, and he can intimidate you any way he wants.

Good luck!
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Old 07-15-2007, 01:19 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I agree with all the other advice and also I would think about getting another lawyer the one you have sound incompetent.
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Old 07-15-2007, 05:57 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Thanks everybody. Yes, I have all of the voice mails recorded and I have all of the emails printed out. I sent my atty a long email explaining in detail the situation and that I need his help to protect me and my son. I am also going to call the magistrate (who I happen to know) and a few other dv related places tomorrow to see what can be done. Time to take action!
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Old 07-17-2007, 05:23 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I went in front of the judge today and she denied my request for a protective order. I was informed that I can take my evidence to the magistrate and they might prosecute him criminally which would also prevent him from having contact with me or my son. So that is my next attempt and then I'm going to go for sole custody and supervised visitation. We'll see, someone has to be able to do something.
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Old 07-17-2007, 06:16 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Were you given a reason for the denied request?
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Old 07-18-2007, 09:40 AM   #10 (permalink)
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He has to have physically been violent or directly threatened to be physically violent but apparently threatening to take my son and constantly harassing me with belittling emails, etc., is perfectly legal. I am going to try the magistrate though to see if he can be charged criminally.
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Old 07-18-2007, 10:20 AM   #11 (permalink)
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did u mention , or maybe u can in ur next step , that you fear him drinking and driving with your son in the car ???? That seems to wake up the judge
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